TT the 18th-Spit It Out!

This is Blog Reader Appreciation Week so I thought I’d post the 13 most amusing (to me anyway) comments that have been posted on my blog in the last six months. The problem is that I can’t choose. I have 22 and they are in no particular order. Oh, well. Just consider it a week’s worth of extras in this Thursday Thirteen.

1. othurme

A list of things that are under appreciated:

Bacon

The End

2. Shiny Gal

“Oh, Jimmy. This is never going to work when your cock keeps snapping off.”

3. Jason X

Zombies have great sex, they just can’t ever reach a climax. It’s very frustrating for them… I know. I’ve been with a few…

4. whall

Man am I disappointed. I searched google for “big bust” and *this* is the post I get? SHEESH!

5. Matt-Man

Wow you are multi-talented. You make bras look good, build a sweet computer, and spit out good looking kids. You my dear, are a triple-threat. Cheers!!

6. Diesel

Wow, what do you have to say to get censored on blog talk radio? Seems like you’d have to be in favor of monkeys sodomizing orphans or something.

No, wait, I think Fab has done that.

7. Mr. Fabulous

Karl IS a sexy bastard. It’s all I can do not to drive down there and sodomize him.

8. metalmom

I’ll fuck ‘em up if you tell me who they are……I roll like that.

9. Hilly

Eliza totally trumps Liz!

(hides from Dave)

10. Karl

I’ll have to go check out the PITA’s site. Glad she’s familiar with my phallus.

11. bluepaintred

good god. I want to eat that. its so cute, its fucking edible. way to go you fucker. now I’m a pussy eater wannabe. What will my husband think??!

12. martymankins

There’s something about a pair of boobs and a little baby on the same page that makes me envious to be young again…. he he

13. Susan Helene Gottfried

THE BACKSTREET BOYS???

*shakes head*

Oh, Winter. How could you? HOW could you?

14. Motley

She’s hot. He’s hot. Can we video tape them having sex?

15. Avitable

What’s wrong with a midget working in a slaughterhouse?

16. Jen

Being at work stopped the immediate search for giraffe print sex toys…*sigh*

17. Vixen

Oh there you are. I couldn’t find you for a minute.

18. Dave2

Is that my tiara on that giraffe?

19. jester

Maybe I’ll have a better comment when I stop laughing myself silly.

20. maryo

Nothing like a bunch of chicks beating the shit out of evil.

21. Nicholas

Nice toes, nice bra, nice nipple shadow. Where’s the rest of you?

And this one is just for me… cuz it makes me feel good.

22. Jennifer McKenzie

Man, I LOVE your stuff!!!! You are frickin’ brilliant.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Now, I’m laughing. And looking forward to the next six months of funny comments. I love you people! MUAH!

TT the 16th – Evil

Who’s evil, baby? There is definitely some evil lurking in the Bar Story. If you don’t believe me, just keep reading!

1. Caden DeCameron – Evil mage/alchemist who has it in for: Winter and Tristan Blackthorne, Winter and Tristan’s kids Rhiannon and Galen, Nyx McClaren, the Kronos family, and his own daughter Ainsley. Caden is on a centuries long search for the Beginning of War Sapphire and the Sword of Conflict that the stone belongs in. He’s already lost the End of War Sapphire and the Sword of Unity to Derek Draconarius-Wyrme, thanks to the Blackthornes, The McClaren, the Kronos brothers, and Ainsley. He’s not about to let a little thing like blood ties stop his quest to wreak havoc on the dragon world.

2. Mordred Wellesley – Evil wizard who has it in for : His cousin Eden, fellow wizard Garren Fairfax, and keeper of the Dragonfire amulet Dravened Draco. Thus far in the story, we know that Mordred hates all vampires which means he’s got no qualms about offing his cousin if he has to. After all, her mate is a bloodsucker. Mordred killed Garren’s brother, the great wizard Rohan, in order to get his wand. He also wants to find the magical house that Garren inherited from Rohan. Garren is hiding Dravened (also known as Oz) in a magical golden cage in the house. While in the cage, neither Mordred nor even the dragon god Aminan can find Oz. Why Mordred wants Oz and why he killed Rohan for the wand, have yet to be revealed…

3. Macaire – Fallen Angel who is supposed to be good, but apparently has gone bad because he has it in for: Nyx McClaren. Macaire has been hunting Nyx for about a year, but he kicked it up a notch when Nyx turned up with a mate, Valerian Kronos. For reasons Macaire has yet to reveal, Nyx with a mate infuriates him. He’s already made veiled threats against Val’s life. Now, he’s made a veiled threat against Alfred, Nyx’s am feare-fair (an immortal guardian). Whenever Nyx is around Macaire, the magical Ogham rings that she and Val wear as wedding rings, begin to glow. Since the rings were given to her by the fae god Oberon, she believes they are meant to protect her and Val. The glow means there is a threat to them. Thus far, Macaire has shown very little of his hand. The question is, when he does make good on his threats, will Nyx and Val be able to thwart him? And why hasn’t the Archangel Marius stopped his evil deeds?

4. Rachel Sullivan aka The Black Widow – Rachel is now dead, but when she was alive she had it in for: her son Ryland, her bloodmate Merrick, and any man she married. Rachel was evil from the word go. She started on her path as a Black Widow when her son was very small. Once he was old enough to know what she was doing, he left. When Rachel met her bloodmate, she devised a way to use him to get power from a demon. She bonded with him in order to receive her soul. Then she drained her bloodmate and left him to die while she traded her soul to a demon for the use of a succubus and the ability to walk freely in the daylight without burning. In the end Rachel is killed by her bloodmate, who didn’t die, a fae witch, the son of a god and a Gorgon, and Titania Queen of the Fairies.

5. The Hellbounds – Hellbounds vampires are male vampires who suffer from a disease that drives them mad and turns them evil. The HB virus is hereditary, handed down from father to son through the male line only. The Parisian HBs had it in for: The Kohl family. Vincent and Thaddeus Larouche, brothers and the leaders of the HBs in France had a sister who was bloodmate to Frederick Kohl. Helene and Frederick had a child, unbeknownst to the rest of the Kohl family. Their son Griffin is the reason the Larouche brothers have a vendetta against the Kohls. The brothers killed their sister and had Frederick and his wife killed. However, servants hid baby Griffin from his uncles’ rage. The Larouche brothers kidnapped and tortured Griffin’s half sister Sascha for fifty years. They forced his half brother Johann to steal for them. They kidnapped and converted Griffin’s cousin Alaric’s bloodmate Penelope, turning her against the Kohls too. The list of evils perpetrated against the Kohl family by the HBs is long… and about to get longer at a Kohl wedding.

6. Penelope Vanders – Penelope was Alaric Kohl’s bloodmate, but she was kidnapped by Thaddeus Larouche and infected by the HB virus, becoming the HB Queen. She went after Alaric Kohl because she thought he hadn’t tried to rescue her. Alaric spent years in a drunken haze alternating between thinking that he couldn’t protect his bloodmate, or that she would rather be with a monster than with him. While on a mission to find Penelope once and for all, Alaric met Lex Valentine and fell in love. Meanwhile, Penelope was stalking both Alaric and Lex. Eventually, Lex went after Penelope on her own, in an attempt to free Alaric from his former bloodmate. When Alaric goes looking for Lex he finds her chained, and he trades his life for Lex’s, but in the end, Lex battles Penelope for Alaric and the Mother of all Vampires takes Penelope away.

7. Daggon – Daggon was an evil pixie who was obsessed with a pixie princess named Lacey. He’s another character who is dead now. In order to have Lacey, Daggon killed her father and frightened her mother. He got her mother to sign betrothal papers. When Lacey and her sister Rosalie discover this, they come up with a plan to fake Lacey’s death. Once this is accomplished, they figure they will be free of Daggon. However, Rosalie’s betrothed has a little run in with Oberon the Fae King and takes off for the Otherworld. With Lacey presumed dead, and Rosalie’s betrothed missing, Daggon sets his sights on Rosalie and slaps an armband on her that hurts her every time she touches another man. Eventually, the riddle that kept the band on is solved, thwarting Daggon. Lacey and Rosalie’s former betrothed are both discovered alive and well. After a few more evil deeds including kidnapping Lacey, Daggon is killed by his own sister.

8. Onyx Blackthorne – Evil half brother to Tristan Blackthorne who has it in for: Tristan and his family and anyone else he feels like messing with. Actually, Onyx is dead now. After centuries of torturing his own people and ruling as the black wyvern when he wasn’t, Onyx discovers that his half brother is still alive. Set on a campaign to eliminate his brother’s family, Onyx kidnaps the blue wyvern’s pregnant mate, which draws out 4 of the best black dragon warriors to rescue her. One does not survive the rescue. He sets assassination squads after Rhiannon, Tristan’s heir. In league with Caden DeCameron, he kidnaps Winter and Mary Draconarius-Wyrme. However, Onyx reckons without Tristan’s determination to free his people from Onyx’s oppression. When Onyx challenges Tristan for Winter, he’s killed by Tristan who takes off his head with a sword named Redemption.

9. William the Slayer – William is a vampire slayer who is out to get: Gracie Burke. He got close to her at a vulnerable time in her life. He slept with her and acted as if he was her boyfriend. Then he tried to stake her. Gracie still carries the scar on her chest from the attempted staking. Now, William is back and he’s stalking her. He’s terrorized her, leaving things for her to find when she wakes up. He boldly tried to kill her with a crossbow. He trashed her apartment, spray painting DIE BLOODSUCKER on the walls and destroying everything inside. He’s still out there waiting to get her, but now she’s being protected by Rune, the rock star she’s had a secret crush on for years. Rune is sure that Gracie is his bloodmate and he will do anything to save her from the madman who is after her. Gracie just wants to get away from the man who unknowingly broke her heart years before. It’s a game of cat and mouse and rock star that is only just now beginning to heat up the Bar.

10. Madspawn – Madspawn was a Hellbound vampire, a hired killer who assassinated anything he was paid to kill including humans. He was hunted by Eden Wellesley and Sterling MacCarran, two CIA agents specializing in Otherworld crimes. He was killed during a battle in Pere Lachaise Cemetery with all the Hellbounds.

11. Goddess of Mischief – The GoM comes around every so often and fucks with people’s lives. The last time she made an appearance, she put a poisonous berry in baby Antonio’s bottle. The poison caused him to grow up overnight. Whenever something unexpected and evil needs to happen, the GoM is there for us to use. She has a couple of evil henchmen that include Bloodbane and this abomination whose name I forget. I do remember that the abomination ate another villian, the Romanov brothers’ mother. Yuck.

12. Mama Romanov – She who was eaten, liver first, by the abomination whose name I forget… She was out to kill her son Nikolai’s mate Gayla. She tried to cut a deal with the GoM who turned the tables on her. She was pretty evil, constantly trying to undermine Gayla and finally just out and out plotting to kill her.

13. Assorted rapists (Zane and some blue dragon and Jolek), assorted henchmen (mostly black dragons), assorted people who do stupid shit against others but who aren’t really evil, and a few people who started out kinda bad but ended up good.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Have a luscious Thursday yummy people!

TT the 15th-Post 100

This is a special Thursday 13. It is my 100th blog post. Well, if you don’t count the guest posts I did for Kyra Sutra and Bluepaintred or the ones I took down and moved to a different blog because of the “Karled” incident. Today, my TT is about the 100 posts on this blog.

1. My most popular post was a TT. It was on March 12 and it was “Thirteen Things I know Because I work at a Cemetery.”

2. The first post I did was about how I came to be a blogger. It was all about how I started visiting Andrei Andrei’s blog. (Yes, Fab. He’s Romanian. A Hot Romanian Model.) Going there and commenting gave me an idea for a story, but since I knew nothing about blogging, I figured I’d better learn so as to get into my character’s head.

3. I told Blogs We Luv that my February 22 post ‘Confessions of a Secret Fluff’ was the post that was a good indicator of who I am and what my blog is about. It’s amusing in a tongue in cheek, make fun of myself way.

4. January 28 was the first Marcus Monday. The whole idea was Shinygal’s because basically Mondays suck and she wanted a reason for it to be more positive. Half naked pics of Marcus Schenkenberg did it for me and thus, Marcus Monday was born.

5. The first contest I ever had was on February 25, and there is still no winner! The post was entitled “Save My Brain… Win A Prize!” It’s all about my search for the guy in the Air France “Pool” commercial.

6. One of my most popular non-TT posts was “How I Almost Got Karled”. This is a subject that every blogger is passionate about… the place you work taking issue with your blog and, if you are Karl or Fab, firing you for it. Hence the term “Karled”. The irony to this is that 2 days ago, on Monday, I was asked to create a blog for the company I work for. Heh. It turned out nice too.

7. I had a trio of self pity (sorta) posts called, “Yes! I Am a Lagger!”, “Yes! I Suck Too!”, and “Yes! I’m a Dork this Marcus Monday!”. Then I capped them off a few days later with “Yes! I Am Crazy! Guest Bloggers”.

8. My first post on sunlightsucks.com and WordPress was in honor of the National Day of Silence.

9. The two craziest post titles I’ve had are “Loves Fab’s Fisting and Matt-Man’s Meat” which was about the six word memoir, and “Fake Horses and Pornfest” which is about the horse racing sim I play and a little thing Rott sometimes does in our house called Pornfest. If you want to know what it is, read the post! LOL

10. I posted a photo of my breakfast in a Sunday Silence post called “Bacon!”. I like the name Sunday Silence because not only is it the name of a racehorse I loved, it means you can just sit back and enjoy the pics.

11. Two of my most detailed dreams ever are in the posts “I Dream of Nikki” which is about Nikki Sixx and “Am I Dreaming?” which was about Matt-Man.

12. The post “Weiners!” was about how the Absurdist and Jester won my tagline contest without even meaning to. BTW, Jester, I’ll be ordering cards from the Artificial Duck store Friday or Saturday. One deck is for you! The Absurdist received a “Life or Something Like (B)it” shirt, before I decided to just stick with the URL name.

13. Even though there are pics on this blog of three men I’ve slept with, none of the posts that mention them are my favorite. My favorite post is the 4th one, “The HEA”. This post is about Lex Valentine, my character who, in many ways, is my alter ego. It’s about writing and how Lex evolved. I love the Photoshop pic too.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

All you bloggy folks have a fantastic Thursday!

TT the 14th + HNT

I’ve been pondering things lately. In my life, blogs, forums, websites, boards, work… just everywhere. Part of my pondering had to do with the things I post. I don’t really like to be predictable, which is why things like TT and HNT aren’t exactly my thing. I know they tend to draw traffic to your blog, but the reality here is… do you see any ads? Do I look like I’m whoring for traffic? Hee hee.

Now, if you have ads on your blog, don’t get all offended. That was a rather tongue in cheek remark and not meant to infer that those of you with ads on your blogs are whoring for traffic. I guess if I thought I could make enough to pay at least one bill, I’d do ads. But I sincerely think that not enough people come here to read my bullshit for it to be worth the inconvenience and disruption of my theme’s symmetry.

Anyway, I decided to do both Half Nekkid Thursday and Thursday Thirteen today. Probably because I already have a pic to use for HNT and I came up with a weird idea for TT. (If there was a theme or prompt this week – oh, well. I never follow prompts. I don’t like to be hemmed in!) At first, I was thinking of making my TT a list of all the people I thought would read my Pink Chair Diaries submission and comment. But that list bothered me. So here’s my offering for today. Enjoy!

HNTbutton

Hey, if Fab can show his toes, and Avitable can get a purple pedicure… so can I! Personally, I think my feet look like Flintstones feet, but at least I don’t have bunions or anything gross like that.

Now, for my 14th Thursday the Thirteenth I give you, thirteen ways I can attend my company’s annual picnic without going solo.

1. I can have my kid bring two friends. One as her guest and one as mine. Oh, yeah. A teenage date at a function where I’m the chairman of the event committee. That will look good on a resume.

2. Invite a local blogger. Umn, this leaves me only a few choices really. Hilly, Jason X, Kaige… those are the only people I can think of who are fairly local for me. I wouldn’t mind taking any of them since I like them all a lot. However, I don’t know if I would have enough courage to screw up to ask. I screw up a lot of crap, but courage ain’t usually one of em.

3. Pay for Shinygal to fly out for the weekend. This one is really problematic. First, there’s the money issue and second, there’s the issue of her house closing escrow this week. However, if I knew that Avenged Sevenfold was gonna be around, hanging in some local HB club that weekend, I bet she would hock her grandma to come out here.

4. Invite the entire blogosphere via Twitter and hope that whoever has the money and inclination to take me up on my offer isn’t some really strange and fucked up person like a midget who works for the slaughterhouse or something.

5. Ask my brother to stay an extra week so he can attend. Meh. So not a good idea. I’d really rather NOT take any of my family members to this event. Not him, not any of my nieces or nephews… just no family. They know too many things about me … like my childhood nickname. It would totally undermine my position as the computer nazi in the office if that nickname got out.

6. Take my “mother-in-law” aka Rott’s mom. She’s a nice lady. She’s pretty good to me too. Slips me moohlah sometimes. I actually wouldn’t mind if she went cause she’d like playing bingo probably and she’s not colorful at all, so probably no one would remember her come Monday. However, she’s not a good driver so I wouldn’t really like to ask her to drive the 20 miles to the park from her house. And at the current price of gas, I’m so not driving to get her.

7. I could place an ad on Craigslist for a date. I’d probably get some pretty interesting takers, wouldn’t you think? “Woman needs date to cemetery company picnic.” Whoever answers the ad would probably look like Dave did in his Goth video, only scarier.

8. Place an ad on eHarmony or one of those dating sites. I really think I wouldn’t get anything but some con artist from Africa who would expect me to wire him all kinds of money to come. Then he’d just take the money and never show. Those dating sites are filled with con men. It’s really pathetic how they try to prey on women who just want a relationship. You’d think that nice looking old man who hawks eHarmony on TV would screen these fuckers better. Or maybe he’s getting a cut of the scam money…

9. Place an ad on one of the “adult” sites. I’d get the best offers here, I think. I’ve been a member of one of those sites before. Got a boyfriend from adult friendfinder years ago. Austin was hot. A little flaky, but hot. And he wasn’t bullshitting me about liking me either. Yeah, it could be interesting to show up with some hot young thing who was all over me. Heh. The only problem would be everyone wondering what happened to Rott. (Who is away, and won’t be back in time to go. Not that he ever did go to the picnic. Not his thing.)

10. Hire an escort. This one could spell lots of fun. Other than the money issue, I’d probably find this to be an excellent solution. These guys always know how to handle themselves at an event like this. The only question would be… would he expect me to handle him?

11. Pick up some random dude off the street. This was my kid’s idea. You’re shaking your head, aren’t you? My reasons for not liking this idea are directed at Motley, not the rest of you. Are you out of your fricking mind? I’d end up with some scumbag meth-head who would pick my pocket and rifle my purse! Not to mention what damage he could do at the picnic. Geez.

12. Put an ad in the local paper. Meh. All the single guys who would be looking at those ads in Orange County are either looking for a sugar mama or are rejects from Revenge of the Nerds VI or something.

13. Bring the guy who just got fired. I like him. He’s a lot of fun. I was sad to hear he got fired. Boy, would it stir the shit pot. LOL Of course, it would be a bad move on my part if I ever wanna entertain any idea of moving up the promotion ladder. God, it would be funny though.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Happy TT, HNT, and just plain ole Thursday to all of youse guys!

TT the 13th

This Thursday Thirteen is about cemeteries again. This time it’s 13 random things about cemeteries, graves, related websites and tours, famous deaths, etc. Just a collection of odd bits that you might find fascinating or gruesome. My personal favorite: #1. I could spend hours touring that cemetery using the virtual tour!

1. Pere Lachaise Cemetery – This is one of the most famous cemeteries in Paris. Lots of famous people buried there including Jim Morrison. The thing I like about it, is that it has this virtual tour on it’s website… it’s just like walking through it but not as tiring. Awesome!

2. Batesville Casket Company is one of the largest casket companies in the world. It’s headquartered in Batesville, IN.

3. Here’s a video on how caskets are made:

4. Tyler Cassity of Hollywood Forever Cemetery is a pretty hot looking guy. His cemetery is really cool too. Lots of famous people buried there.

5. Ave Maria is a popular choice of music for funeral services. It’s typically sung in Latin by choirs. Here’s a version of the classical song done in English by the rock band Soundgarden.

6. Arlington National Cemetery in Virginia is the probably the most famous cemetery in the U.S. I’ve been there and it was a visit that was a stand out among the many places I’ve seen in this country. The Eternal Flame on JFK’s grave is strangely moving. Even more moving is the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. The sentinels are awe inspiring. If you’ve never heard the story of these sentinels, click this link and check it out. Also, the cemetery’s website has a page on the training the sentinels go through. It’s a really fascinating read.

7. The most famous of the English are buried, not in a cemetery, but at a church. The monarchs of England are buried at Westminster Abbey.

8. Looking for a famous grave? Check out Find A Grave. There’s a ton of info here. I can’t tell you if it is completely accurate though.

9. When you’re done looking for graves, head on over to Find A Death and check out all the “deliciously sordid” stories of the deaths of famous people.

10. Speaking of Find A Death , they have some pretty interesting (or gruesome depending upon your take on this stuff) “memorabilia”. Here’s a link to Diana, Princess of Wales’ death certificate. Doesn’t mean a whole lot unless you read French.

11. Here’s another site that has info on celebrity grave sites This guy calls himself the Grave Hunter.

12. Going back to Hollywood Forever Cemetery, here’s a link to their virtual tour of their celebrity graves.

13. With Memorial Day drawing near, I thought I’d end with this video and a poem that I love that is quite fitting with the vid.

In Flanders Fields

by Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, MD

(1872-1918) Canadian Army

In Flanders Fields the poppies blow

Between the crosses row on row,

That mark our place; and in the sky

The larks, still bravely singing, fly

Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago

We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,

Loved and were loved, and now we lie

In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:

To you from failing hands we throw

The torch; be yours to hold it high.

If ye break faith with us who die

We shall not sleep, though poppies grow

In Flanders fields.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Happy TT!