My Bitch Mary

My bitch Mary, along with a lot of other bloggers with kids, is happy that school is starting. Poor Mary has been dealing with a lot of stuff, but she still manages to come by here and make a comment guaranteed to make me smile or laugh. I appreciate Mary, although you wouldn’t know it since my laggy ass hasn’t mailed her birthday present or her Marcus prize.

Still, I loves her a bunch, so today’s Tuesday Tune is for her. A little Saving Jane…

Mary by Saving Jane

And a little cartoon…

Hope I made you and Mary smile! Have a great Tuesday!

We’ve Got Big Balls

I’m not sure exactly how I ended up playing this for Motley last night. I think it might have had something to do with Dummy who is not fixed, but I’m not sure. All I really remember is that Motley hadn’t heard this song before. Well, she had, but she didn’t remember it. I mean, Rott’s played all the AC/DC albums repeatedly so she must have heard it at some point.

However, last night she was lying on my bed, on the phone with a friend, laughing her ass off at this:

May your Tuesday be filled with all the best kind of balls!

Fry Daddy!

So yesterday I was grilled. Today, I have fired up the FryDaddy since I’m a little tired of BBQ.

My sizzling victim is Kevin of Always Home & Uncool. Kevin’s blog says that he is a work at home, Gen X dad who is rockin’ the ‘burbs. The cast of characters on his blog include My Love (his wife the executive), Thing 1 (his Hannah Montana wanna be daughter) and Thing 2 (his sweet and sour son), and Murphy’s Happy Recap (his faithful canine companion). Okay, I stole the words from his profile , but really, Kevin tells his story much better than I could.

I dug into his archives a little to prepare for the questions. I didn’t have to dig far to recognize that Kevin is not your average suburban dad. He’s just really not average at all. The man is sharp as a tack and more amusing than a lot of the humor bloggers out there.

As some people *cough* Nicholas *cough* know, I’m not a fan of fluffy blogs and blog posts. Some of the stay at home dad blogs I’ve seen are just as fluffy as the mommy bloggers who squee over Oprah and Rachael Ray. I cringed when I drew Kevin in the lotto that is Neil’s Great Interview Experiment. My cringing was for naught as you will see.

Without further BS on my part, here’s the interview, with my comments below each of Kevin’s responses.

1. Why did you decide to name your kids (on your blog) after characters from Dr. Seuss?

I’ve read “The Cat and the Hat” a few zillions times to my kids over the years and it just stuck in my head. They are at the age when playing and having fun are all that matter, and that’s a good place to be in life.

BTW, I’ve called them many other things in real life. But in the end, Fric and Frac was too easy; Harold and Maude, too weird.

Hmmn. I used to call Motley the PITA. Too easy and too weird in one fell swoop. Too bad it was also very true at times. HEH.

2. Do you think it’s hard to be a “Daddy Blogger” in a “Mommy Blogger” world?

I don’t like compartmentalizing us into Dads or Moms. We’re all parents. We have a common enemy. Unite, Servants to the Sippy Kid Crowd!

But honestly, it’s like being an ice cube in a sea of hot tea. I mean, how can I compete with the raw sexuality and rawer language offered up by the Oprah-fueled masses?

I’d never realized that the sippy cup crowd cursed and had raw sexuality. If that’s the case why didn’t they rip Karl’s clothes off of him this year at BlogHer? Maybe the raw sexuality is same sex in nature… after all, sex with another woman is a dangerous thing in a stay at home mom world, isn’t it? (Don’t shoot me for the cliche!)

3. C’mon… you can tell us… is My Love really the main bread winner in your family, or are you secretly the inventor of the Samurai Shark (or some other item that Billy Mays hawks on the tube)?

My father co-wrote the lyrics to “Tie a Yellow Ribbon Around the Ole Oak Tree.” I live comfortably off the royalties. Tip of the hat to both Bush administrations!

Ahhh. Gotta love a man who can bash two Bushes with one shot!

4. Why do the new friends to your blog only have nachos and mozzarella sticks to choose from? Shouldn’t there be a nutritious choice like zucchini sticks?

If you insist, I can nuke some spinach nuggets in a pinch. You like Cheez Whiz on yours?

Meh. I’ll pass on spinach nuggets and Cheez Whiz. I’m more of a hot wing kinda girl.

5. This is a twofer: What made you start blogging and how did you decide to become a humor blogger? (Don’t say it’s cause you think Diesel is funny either. That’s a cop out answer, even if it’s true that he is funny. Heh heh.)

My credit card was canceled because of delinquent charges for too many, um, online services, so I needed to find something else to get my creative juices flowing between freelance gigs. I did corporate communications for a very conservative Fortune 500 company for almost 10 years, so I needed a lot of practice to relearn how to write something besides “ours is a culture of continuous improvement and, by managing talent effectively and exceeding the expectations we set for our customers, we can increase EBITA by adding value for our stakeholders through cause marketing that redirects discretionary spending as we bounce along the bottom of this down cycle.”

I became a humor blogger because I have no real insight or wisdom to provide anyone on anything in particular. Kinda like Dr. Phil.

I work in Accounting. I know EBITA and EBITDA. (Earnings Before Interest, Taxes, Depreciation, and Amortization) I like a man who can work that into a sentence.

6. What’s your favorite beer and why?

What is this – “Sophie’s Choice”? It all depends on the situation, the place, my mood, the company, etc. For sheer beer pleasure, Young’s Double Chocolate Stout is incredible. It’s a beer. It’s a dessert. It’s a floor wax. For everyday quaffing, I like to pick up the Saranac Trail Mix 12-pack so I can choose one to suit the situation. Yuengling makes a great beach beer. Most of the Red Hook beers — ESB, Pale Ale, IPA — are excellent. Sam Adams’ products are uniformly fine, except for the bizarre cranberry beer they push at the holidays. They briefly made a Hazelnut Brown Ale in the late ’90s that I thought was really special. God … I’m welling with nostalgia …

I’m sitting here stacking up Kevin’s choices against Rott’s Beer Fridge... Two thumbs up on the Young’s Stout. Red Hook ESB isn’t bad. Rott agrees with the Sam pronouncement… and wonders why Kevin hasn’t tried Sierra Nevada Celebration Ale, which only comes out in the winter?

7. If Thing 1, Thing 2 and My Love all went on a trip somewhere for 5 days, leaving you alone to take a solo mini-vacay, where would you go and what would you do?

Depends on the time of the year. Spring, I’d go to Florida and do the spring training baseball circuit. Summer, I’d take a tour of Major League Baseball stadiums. Autumn — me and the dog would go hiking the New England hills. Wintertime … I’d fly to London and visit all the pubs serving Real Ale that I could.

Not being a fan of baseball or hiking, I applaud the booze hound in Kevin and concur that a trip to London to drink ale would be awesome!

8. What mainstream movie do find incredibly arousing?

“The Princess Diaries 2.” Anne Hathaway’s eyebrows send tingles to all the good parts.

I like her boobs better.

9. What’s your favorite music/songs to play during sex or a romantic evening?

“(I Wanna Be Your) Alpha Male” by Steve Burns to send the proper signals (it’s all in the “boom-shucka-lucka). “Pretty Fly (for a White Guy)” by The Offspring for the bump ‘n’ grind. “Godzilla” by Blue Oyster Cult for the cuddling afterward. Also, you can never go wrong with the entire “Liquored Up & Lacquered Down” CD by Southern Culture on the Skids.

Anyone who likes BOC and the Offspring is A-OK by me!

10. I like to retell my dreams on my blog if they are either especially vivid or about other bloggers. Tell me your most interesting blog-related fantasy, daydream or real dream/nightmare.

People read my blog then promptly subscribe to me and unsubscribe to dooce because, while I am not a Wii-distributing pioneer, I am far more interesting and relevant to their lives.

Why do I feel like Kevin has read Avitable’s blog?

And there you have it. Kevin of Always Home and Uncool. Because this is Tuesday, and in honor of Kevin, I’m closing with a tune I’m sure you all will enjoy. In my case, it brings back memories of KNAC.com and one of the chat roomies named Kyuss who used to monitor bang to this song. Also, I think this was recorded when Ron Welty was with the band. My readers may recall me saying that I met him at my company’s Christmas party last year. Here it is… the Offspring!

Pretty Fly For a White Guy

Now, go check out Kevin’s blog and have a happy ale drinking, Offspring monitor banging Tuesday!

Another Installment

Not feeling the Sunday Silence thing today. Translated: I don’t have a photo. Junior wouldn’t hold still when we were playing stick up so everything was blurry. I figured it must be a good time to give you some more bits of the 100 Things. Since there are 32 items there now, I’ll give you 8 to bring me to 40. After this, I’ll try to stick to 10 items at a time.

33. I don’t like to watch TV shows. You know, regular stuff that’s on every week. I just can’t get into it. I tend to watch CNN, TVG, and the Weather Channel with some occasional History Channel, Military Channel, Discovery, and National Geographic thrown in. I also watch ESPN and Fuse on occasion. No regular drama or comedy shows.

34. When it comes to reading, I go in cycles. Sometimes I read and read and read. Other times, I don’t pick up a book for months. I read romances and paranormals mostly, and sometimes biographies. I really love the whole vampire genre. It’s my favorite thing to read now.

35. Thanks to my friend Jen and a contest at Zanctuary, I have every one of JR Ward’s Black Dagger Brotherhood books signed by the author. One even has a Happy Birthday message in it to me from the Warden. They are really among my prized possessions now.

36. I got to see non-military owned photos of the B2 Stealth bomber before anyone else. My daughter’s adopted Dad got the opportunity to go to Whiteman AFB in Missouri to be the first civilian allowed to take air to air photos of the B2. He flew in an F16 to shoot the B2. It was a really big thing for him, a really important assignment. However, when he finally got the word that it was go, he already had a trip to Florida to see his Grandma scheduled. So he did the gig at Whiteman, got home to CA, took his film to the lab in Hollywood, and literally got on a plane the next morning to FL. He had me pick up his film at A&I lab because he was worried about the shots. The sun wasn’t very cooperative that day. So there I was standing in the lab, loupe in my eye, looking at the images on the light table while the phone was up to my ear, telling him that the images were fantastic. And they were. He made the cover of Aviation Week with those photos. And that was how I got to see the first air to air photos of the B2 before anyone else.

37. When it comes to music, I’m a metal head. I like loud stuff. That’s my first preference always. However, I do listen to lots of other stuff. Sometimes it’s all about how well crafted the song is. So, even though Metallica is my preference, I can still appreciate one of those new Backstreet Boys songs. They don’t sound like the same old boy band they used to. The songs on this latest CD are well crafted, and they don’t overdo it on the harmony thing. Defo not a boy band sound anymore. Still, James Hetfield rules! (Yeah, I like that pissy little Lars too!)

38. One of the things that has saddened me most in life is that when I got asthma, it really messed with my singing voice. I’d been an avid singer before that. I’d gone to Lyceum summer camp in Carmel, which is audition only. The camp was taught by the principles from the Carmel Bach Festival. I was so proud that I was chosen to go out of all the teens in the state who auditioned for this. Years later, when I was diagnosed, I was really upset. Especially when the coughing and bouts of pneumonia started and my voice just got more ragged and wrecked.

39. I love background noise from the TV. I almost always have TVG on in the background no matter what I’m doing. Even if I’m listening to music, the TV is on, just with the sound down.

40. The computer that I use now was built in September 2007. I built it myself in a weekend. I’d been a little freaked out to do it since I hadn’t actually built one on my own for more than 10 years. I mean, I’ve had more than one computer in that time, but building them was Rott’s thing so I let him. When I was forced to do it myself again, I was scared I couldn’t do it. I took it easy though and did it in stages. I didn’t let it freak me out and eventually on Sunday afternoon, BAM! everything worked.

Have a great Sunday!

Old Is New Again

They are back. Larry King had them on last Friday. They all look pretty good. Well, I mean that guitar player looks like death warmed over, but then again, he looked like that 25 years ago. The singer, still brash. The drummer, still smiling that little boy smile. The bass player, still one of the most intelligent creative men in music, if you discount the fact that he will always be an addict even sober.

Rott saw them before they got big. It was at the Santa Monica Civic Auditorium, and they were on the cusp of being famous. The crowd was frentic, and somene stabbed Rott in the back. He still has the scar. He wears it like a badge of honor.

They’ve been copied by other bands, but no one could ever do “it” the way Motley Crue did. They are old, but they are hot. Nikki Sixx and Tommy Lee… oh baby. Ok, I’m turning on a fan now. While I’m cooling off, listen to a tune by a quartet of old guys who have issues, but can still rock your thong off.

BTW, Cruefest tickets are on sale. Hope you enjoyed the Tuesday Tune!