Ass Kisser

Can you guess who the ass kisser is? Me, of course! I made good on my promise and made Fab a Liz Phair page called “I Love Fab”. See it up there with the other pages? It has Liz music and Liz pics. I think it’s safe to say that Fab likes that page.

So I totally kissed Fab’s ass, but I had a reason. I have been waiting for this Sunday FOREVER. I practiced at Snackie Radio. I honed my skill at simultaneous chatroom and phone convos at The Jester Show. Now, I get to SHINE on Pointless Drivel Live. Um, I may still not be able to do chatroom and phone simultaneously though. It’s all the fault of my piercings. See they scratch the screen on my cell phone so I can only hold the phone to my right ear and since I’m right handed I can’t really type in the chatroom and the phone’s really small, the size of an egg really… ummn… yeah. I’m kinda not good at being on BTR shows and chatting in the chatroom at the same time. I guess I need a Blackberry or a Treo or Skype or something. My Samsung Stripe is clearly not cutting it in the Blogosphere.

Well, it’s here… the day that I am to be on Mr. Fabulous’ BTR show, Pointless Drivel Live. This is a very special day for me. For one, I’ve been waiting patiently for my turn on this prestigious show. For another, I can’t fucking get to Fab’s website anymore and I’m missing all the comments and fun. I’ve been deprived since Friday. (I saw the anal sex picture Thursday night, but couldn’t on Friday morning.) I get a white screen with “done” at the bottom. I’ve cleaned every fricking thing on my machine. I’ve defragged and updated and scanned and I even downloaded Safari for Windows. No Fab. Except in Feed Demon. But that means I can’t leave my scintillating and long winded comments! GRRRRR.

Now, using Safari to try to get to pointless-drivel.com was an interesting thing. Safari doesn’t give me his site, but it does give me an error: Safari can’t open the page “http://www.pointless-drivel.com/”. The error was: “unknown error” (CFURLErrorDomain:302). Googling that error got me nowhere too. I’m gonna email the error to my tech and ask nicely if he can tell me what the hell happened and how I can get back to one of my favorite places on the net. If someone else knows the answer to this dilemma please email me at winter at winterheart dot com. (I’ve tried accessing his site with Firefox 2.0.0.14, SeaMonkey 1.1.9, IE7, and Safari for Windows. I’m on XP SP3 with an AMD Sempron 3400+ with 1 GB of RAM and I have Time Warner broadband. And yeah. I know I need another GB of memory.)

My ass kissing will be in full force at 4 pm Pacific/7 pm Eastern time. Here is the link to Pointless Drivel Live. Be there or be… dead. HEH.

Also, don’t forget to listen to the rest of the Rocking Sunday Radio Talk Block:

Secondhand Karl at 2 pm Pacific/5 pm Eastern with Blogography’s Dave 2. Then it’s Snackie Radio at 3pm/6pm with Pointless Drivel’s Mr. Fabulous, and after Fab’s show it’s Turnbaby Talks 5pm/8pm with a discussion about women. All absolutely riveting shows that YOU should NOT miss!

Happy Three Day Weekend Sunday to those of you who are off tomorrow!

Hump This II

Before I get to the meat and potatoes of this post, I’d like to send a big THANKS! to Dave2, who kindly sent me his pics of that big ass chrome bean for my desktop. My friend Donny from the sim, a Chicagoan, said he’d get me more pics if I wanted them. I told him I wanted pics in the snow and he told me… they cover it up in the winter. Fuckers. I could so see that wondrous bean with a gray sky above and filthy gray snow packed up around it’s base. Oh, well. Still, Dave totally rawks for sending me the images to use as wallpaper.

Today’s title is what some of us (not me, but someone else who has a fabulous name) would like to do to Liz Phair. She’s pretty hot, but those are itty bitty titties compared to say, my friend Jen of the boobage pimping Friday. Still, I can see where some of you might think these pics are worth an afternoon hiding in the john.

I’ll post Liz again soon. I have some Maxim shots of her, some shots of her in bed, and even better, pics of her wrapped in an American flag in a shower… wet.

For the rest of us looking for a hot dude… I give you a long haired version of Jonathan Rhys Meyers, pre Tudors.

Oh, hell. I bet someone thought I meant a different Liz. Here’s my parting shot in case that was you.

Happy humping, pretty people!

Tuesday Liz

I found out last week that Mr. Fabulous lurrrrrrves Liz Phair. So tomorrow for Humpday Hotness, I will show you Liz’s nipples. Someone make sure Fab has smelling salts. Since this coming Sunday I will be Fab’s guest on Pointless Drivel Live, where he will surely kick my ass at Dead or Alive, my Tuesday Tune features Liz too. I just cannot pander to the man enough. I’ve been trying to get him over to my guilty pleasure The User Pool too. I can just imagine the conversations we will have once he too is reading this little gem of satire. Heh.

My Tuesday Tune by Liz Phair was used in the Bar Story because Liz is the physical representation of Carlisle Ross. To go with this song is a snippet from the Bar where I used the song. Although Alaric and Lex have shared dreams where they were much more intimate, this is their first real kiss.

I turned around and opened my mouth to ask Stein a question and found that he’d gone upstairs after Carlisle. That left me alone with Alaric. Shit. He was walking toward me, his electric blue eyes on me. I swallowed hard and felt my stomach drop as my breathing grew more rapid. My senses were on overload. When I looked at him, I felt my heart stop. When I smelled him. I felt my breath stop. When he touched me, I felt like I was going to come out of my skin. I had no idea what was going on. The dreams and visions…they were so real. I stared up at Alaric, wondering how I could have dreamed him. Even now, I could feel his lips on the curve of my spine. It was all I could do not to throw myself in his arms and beg him to love me. I didn’t know what the hell had gotten into me.

I turned on my heel and went up the stairs to the second floor of the penthouse. I heard and felt Alaric following me. I turned left at the top of the stairs and opened the last door. “This is your room,” I told him as I stepped into the room, pointing out the other doors. “That door is to the bathroom, which you share with me. The other door is to the sitting room, which you also share with me. The glass door is to the terrace.”

“Do I share that with you too?” he asked in that honey over gravel voice, one eyebrow raised inquiringly.

I nodded absently, wondering briefly if he was being facetious. “Dial 9 for an outside line, 0 for the front desk, and 1 for the butler,” I said and left him there, high tailing it to my own room.

Once there, I let out a long breath. This was incredibly hard. I should have been crying my eyes out over Johann, but suddenly I could barely think of him. Alaric overwhelmed my senses and brought every dream I’d had of him right to the front of my consciousness. He wasn’t like his cousin. He was … more. Taller, broader, darker, more handsome, more chiseled, more brooding, more … enticing … more sexy … more… hot.

I ran my tongue over my dry lips. What did I say to this man? Oh, by the way, I have the most incredible dreams about loving you. Or maybe, hey Alaric, I love how you look naked in my dreams. I ran a hand over my face. I was losing it.

Just then, there was a knock on my bedroom door. I opened it to find the subject of my thoughts standing there. He’d taken off his jacket and shoes and was standing there barefoot in his blue shirt and black slacks looking suave and so gorgeous. I was acutely aware of my disheveled hair, rumpled t-shirt and faded jeans. And worst of all, I had to look far too high up to meet his eyes.

“My suitcase,” he said in a low tone. “Is it in here?”

I looked at the pile of luggage and spied a large case that wasn’t mine. I reached for it at the same time as Alaric and my head bumped his. We both said, “Ow!” and stepped back. I stayed put in front of the doorway while Alaric untangled his bag from the others. Then he stopped and I heard it…Carlisle was singing.

Lucky I’ve been through hell
Backroads and shortcuts I know them well
Baby just stick with me
We’ll make it together, just wait and see

Do you really know me at all?
Would you take the time to catch me if I fall?
Are you ever gonna be that real to me?
Everything to me

The walls they close in
The air it goes out
We’re left with nothing but a shadow of doubt
Nobody talks, no one is here
It’s just you and me

Do you really know me at all?
Would you take the time to catch me if I fall?
Are you ever gonna be that real to me?
Everything to me

I found myself staring at Alaric while Carlisle’s beautiful voice rang out through the penthouse. I suddenly wished with all my heart that Alaric would love me. That he would feel, say, and do everything that had happened in my dreams. I knew instinctively that if he loved me, he would be just as he was in the dreams. He would love me the way my heart yearned for. He was a stranger to me except for what I knew of him from my dreams… what my heart knew.

Carlisle stopped singing, and I blinked back a rush of tears as Alaric turned away from my gaze. He stepped toward the door and I sidestepped to the left to let him out. But then, he stepped to his right, leaving us blocking each other again. He moved again, but this time I didn’t and he banged into me, almost knocking me to the floor. Anger at my helplessness to have any control over my life flooded me.

“Bloody hell, Kohl! You’re freaking everywhere! I can’t get away from you. You even invade my fucking dreams!” My voice was hoarse and overflowing with emotion. I jerked away from the doorway.

His arms snapped out, dropping the suitcase as he grabbed me by the shoulders growling, “What did you say? Did you say dreams? Cause I’m so tired of waking up hard, after spending my dreams with you.”

I stared at him stunned, my lips parted in shock. “What the hell?” I whispered. He had them too! What the hell was happening to us?

“Ah, fuck me,” Alaric muttered. He jerked me toward him, his head coming down as his mouth found mine. Electricity crackled between us as our lips met. The most exquisite pleasure I had ever felt seared its way through my body. Alaric must have been feeling something profound too because he moaned against my lips and ran his hands down my back to grab my ass, lifting me off the ground as his tongue swept into my mouth.

The touch of his wet tongue to mine was like a match to dry brush. I went up in flames as my dreams came to life. I wrapped my arms around his neck and thrust my fingers into his dark silky hair. He kissed me so deeply that if I’d had a soul, he would have touched it. I was drowning in sensation and then…I was on my feet staring wide eyed at Alaric whose chest was rising and falling rapidly with his jackhammer breathing.

“We need to talk,” he said breathlessly, his electric blue eyes boring into mine. “Not right now, but later. I want to know about your dreams.”

“What does it mean?” I whispered, suddenly frightened.

He must have known what I was feeling because he reached out a hand and tucked my hair behind my ear. “Don’t be afraid, Alexandria. We’ll figure it out,” he said softly in that honey over gravel voice. Then he turned and picked up his case, leaving the room. There was a soft click as the door closed behind him.

I reached into my jeans pocket and pulled out the handkerchief he’d given me, pressing it to my flushed cheek. I could smell his lemon bergamot scent on the cloth. I closed my eyes. Why would Alaric Kohl and I share the same dreams? What could it possibly mean?

Wishing everyone a pretty princess Tuesday!