Sunlight Sucks

Author Lex Valentine Blogs About Stuff

Sunlight Sucks - Author Lex Valentine Blogs About Stuff

Top Three

So the heat in SoCal is killing me. I’ve had a non-stop headache for days as the oppressive heat and lack of central air just fuck with my body royally. It’s really gotten to the point where it’s painful and I just wanna lay in the bathtub and sob. Weather.com says it will start cooling today. Thus far, it doesn’t feel like it. It’s 7 am and it feels like all the other days in this heat wave. And my head is already pounding. :(

Moving on to a more pleasant topic, Fire Season hit #3 on All Romance eBooks top ten list of bestsellers. I’m shocked and flattered. I’m also afraid to go look at the chart this morning because the 1 and 2 books are so flaming hot I’m pretty sure I won’t be bypassing either of them. Since I’m fairly certain I’ve hit the ceiling, the only place left to go is down… which will be, well, deflating. However, I did get a really awesome email from a friend I’ve known for several years, since before I decided to sub my writing to a publisher. Here’s what it said:

A friend of mine started raving to me about a new author she had discovered.

It was you!

She is in the process of devouring your books. She LURVES the Dragons. LOL

I was able to say, oh yes. I have heard of her.

Sair

You can’t imagine how that email made me feel. Thank you for sharing that with me, Sair.

So, here’s my Monday Marcus. I had a little discussion over the weekend with some other authors about who be on our list to do if we could do anyone guilt-free. My list was woefully short! I think the top five spots were all Marcus! (Like you all didn’t know that. LOL) Anyway, here’s a sexy one. It’s a repeat, but I love it. It’s my favorite. All sexy in a bed… oh, baby.

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No time for more pics but maybe I’ll post some female hotties on Humpday. :) Gotta keep my straight male pals happy. Have a great Monday!

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Bullet Rider

So I have this guest blog post at a review site today. It’s title is Six With a Bullet. The reason for the title is that Fire Season is now #6 on All Romance eBook’s Top Ten List. This sort of equates to being the #6 most sold book at Barnes and Noble. ARe is one of the biggest distributors (e-bookstores) on the internet.

Because of riding this bullet up the bottom half of the top ten, I’ve been invited to be on ARe’s Blog Talk Radio show What’s Hot in Romance. It’s been awhile since I did any radio, but I’m sure I’ll remember how it works. I’ll prolly get a tad nervous because, after all, this isn’t Jester or Karl both of whom I’ve met and love. The show is on at 9:30 EST tonight.

I finished two novellas over the weekend thanks to the Word Wars ladies who kept cracking the whip. One is due tomorrow and I need to tweak on it some tonight. It’s not as polished as I would like it to be and it’s not going to get a crit either before it goes to the editor. I’m bummed. So many things have taken up my time and I’ve had some issues with this story. I think I need to break up my M/M writing sprees a bit. Doing a bunch of them in a row is very tough. It’s not an easy genre to write in the first place. You’re stuck saying he he him him his his name name name over and over again until you can’t figure out yourself whose arm, leg, lip, or dick you meant. I’ll be writing some good old fashioned BDSM when this over. It will be a welcome relief!

So here’s the part of Monday everyone but the straight men like. It’s that Marcus part. Here’s one of my all time favorite Marcus images. I just need this today. He can do my laundry anytime.

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If you get a chance stop by Socially Dead. I bought Motley a tablet with my royalties and she’s put up some awesome new artwork. Hope you all have a spectacular Monday!

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Fans or Thieves?

What do you do when someone loves you so much that they feel the need to share you with everyone? By share I mean give away. If you’re kinda stumped by what I’m saying, you’ll understand in a minute.

Someone is a big fan of Lex Valentine. This person loves Lex so much that they apparently bought all three of the Tales books that are out currently. It’s very flattering. Well, it would be if it weren’t for Google Alerts. Google Alerts showed me where this fan posted all three of my books on one of those pirate message boards. This person apparently loves Lex’s books soooo much that they even went to the trouble of copying the review blurbs from each book’s page here at LexValentine.com to ensure that the board members would be interested in the books.

Wow. They must really love me to want to share me with the world like that.

nopriratesSome of my author pals asked if I pissed. I’m not. I’m incredibly sad. I’m not so stupid that I think we can eradicate the world of thieves and pirates who take money from our pockets by giving away our copyrighted works. I’m just really sad that someone would buy my books and love them so much that they just HAD to give them away to everyone else. This person made doubly sure that people would download those pirated copies by putting up all my glowing reviews.

I’m very sad to say that I don’t think that’s a true fan. I give away lots of copies of my books. More than I should probably. It’s really easy to win one of my contests actually. I never made it difficult. Yet, this person still felt the need to do this.

If too many of my “fans” do this, you may not see any more Lex Valentine books. Know why? It’s because I use the royalties I receive from my books to keep my computer up and running. Without a computer, there are no more books.

More pirates = less royalties = no money to fix computer when it breaks = no books from Lex.

It almost makes me want to just stay at The Bar Story. Almost. I know I have fans that are not like this fan. I know they understand that I live paycheck to paycheck, supporting a family of three and a lot of furbabies. I have a kid in college and a DH with dependency issues. I have health issues. And there is never enough money to go around.

So if you happen to know a fan who gives away my books because the books are so awesome they just can’t help themselves, let that person know that they are bringing about the eventual demise of Lex Valentine. Maybe then they won’t like me so much that they have to copy from my website and distribute my work for free.

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Dave Does TVC

I feel all speshul when I get an email from Dave2. It’s even better when I arrive at his blog and discover that I’ve been the inspiration for a cock that sucks you. (You gotta love that line.) I was all kinds of amused and delighted. I love Dave’s toons and this one totally made me laugh out loud. Usually, I don’t laugh at cock. Too busy describing it, I guess. Or trying to get some.

So, seriously people, you gotta read Dave’s blog post. For one, it describes the origin of TVC. For another, you get to see a TVC. It’s not only an amusing story, it’s a look into Dave’s head and how he comes up with a great toon. Who doesn’t wanna know what’s behind the genius?

After you read Dave’s post, you have to see the actual cartoon. TVC is a bad guy. You have to find out if he wins the day or not. What happens to the TVC will make you grin. Who doesn’t want to grin on a Tuesday? So run over here to read the full TVC toon.

I’m off to work in a minute and later I have to work on TPC (throbbing phoenix cock) so I’m gonna leave you with a Tuesday Tune. I haven’t done one in for-effing-evah. Here’s some Motley Crue to start the day!

Have a great Tuesday!

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Bad Database!

For three weeks now, I’ve been trying to move The Bar to a new domain.  For three weeks I’ve been beyond frustrated. First the upgrade from phpbb2 to phpbb3 sucked ass. Oh, everything converted. Everything is there. But one post, just one, ended up split from a thread. I have tried everything to merge it back, but the merge feature refuses to work. I tried copying the post and changing it’s permissions. That didn’t work and in fact spawned a new issue. It wouldn’t let me delete the damn post either! HELLO! Database creator here! Still… it refuses.

I finally gave up trying to fix it and settled down to move the database. Well, not really move it but copy it to the new domain. I tried the backup/restore function within the database itself. No dice.  I googled for some tips and tricks and came across a php board where some techie guy said, yanno the backup/restore doesn’t work very well. Go into phpMyAdmin and do an export/import.

Ooooh, I thought. This sounds right! Did it work? NO. Okay, it sorta worked. In the admin panel it showed me all the threads. I thought wooo hooo! I went to the forum itself… empty. Whaaaa? Massive headache ensued. So I gave up and pondered the damn thing for a few days. My conclusion? I needed someone else to look at the damn thing. I had to be missing something.

So I sent Marty an email. He’s smart and resourceful… the kind of guy who would know about databases right? Well, he’d never moved one before, but offered to poke around in mine to see what might be wrong.  Marty’s next email shocked me. The two boards have different versions of php. Woah. I never even thought to look at that! So I deleted the new board uninstalled phpbb and went into the configuration to upgrade my php from 4 to 5.  Then I reinstalled phpbb3. Now, it’s ready for another try.

I’m not sure that I can still make this work but it was nice to have another set of eyes look at the problem. Instead of it being a bad database that needed a timeout, it just needed someone else to tame it. Or so I hope anyway. I really appreciated Marty looking at it. If anyone out there knows php board admin rights stuff, email me. I still can’t merge that effing thread. *sigh*

It’s Monday so I’ve got a nice Marcus here to drool over.  I kinda like the scruffy face look on him.

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Now, for the first time, I think I’ll put a naughty female behind the fold. After all, I really did appreciate Marty’s help.

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Oh, My, My!

This Monday I’ve got some quick stuff to get to… then a Marcus!

Thanks to everyone for their emotional support. Whether you comment or not, I always know you’re there. I love you people.

If anyone knows of someone in SoCal who can help the babies get a home, please let me know. There are photos and info on Craigslist.

Holden still needs votes to overtake the 2nd place het hero at TRS’ Hero Competition. You can vote once a week with every valid email address you have. It would be such a coup for the non-het hero to do well in this. You can cast your vote HERE.

Some of you did not email me to claim your Blogger Appreciation Week prize. C’mon people. Send me an email! Here’s the list of winners. If ya’all don’t email me… I’ll send all the unclaimed prizes to Vahid. (Can you tell I’ve been working a little on Ride the Lightning? Vahid. Black leather. Bullwhip. That’s ALL I’m sayin’.)

Tomorrow, I’m blogging at Love Romances and More. The title of my post is ‘Lex Valentine on Men On Men‘. Yes, it is about Throbbing Dragon Cock.

And finally, YES. The time has come. I will be in PRINT. Tales of the Darkworld Volume One (it’s Shifting Winds and Hot Water together) will be released August 20. Fire Season will be out in print October 16. So those of you who wanted my autograph *eye roll* I’ll have something to sign in just a few weeks! WOOT!

Oh, my, my! It’s my favorite part of Monday. It’s Marcus time. I have a towel almost like that. I wonder if he’d come over so I can dry him off?

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It’s been awhile since I posted the woman I think is a perfect counterpart for Marcus and because Marty mentioned my lack of a female presence on Mondays, I’m gonna drop in a Kelly for the guys.

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Hope you all have a great Monday!

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Himself Didn’t Work

Remember when people were retweeting Neil Gaiman’s call for people to help me find homes for the kittehs? Remember how so many people emailed and said they would take them? Do you know how many of those people actually did what they said they would do? None of them. Well, one person who said she would take one, ended up not being able to, but yanno… she found someone else who would. An author from Lyrical Press came and adopted the only female.

So all of that frenzy was pretty much for naught and makes me wonder if those people just said those things thinking the great Neilhimself would notice them. I’m still left with my life falling apart and pain in indescribable places and the babies still need homes. Oh, they are fixed and have had shots now though.

Nicki’s cat Neko will not be coming home from the foster care home because the vet discovered she has a heart condition that will require expensive medication and treatment. I can’t afford that. I don’t even have a car that works at the moment and I have DH who is looking for a way to not live with or be with me anymore.

I have an ad on Craigslist in the hope that the smallest of the babies will all find homes. I’m afraid to give them all up because then the DH will still leave and I will have nothing. Having nothing to look forward to is a very desolate feeling. I’m pathetic enough to wish to work things out with him. When he says he cannot live like this and he’s going to leave because of it, I just want to throw up and pains begin in various parts of my body. I’ve swallowed some Tylenols so hopefully the physical pains will dull soon.

As for my heart… I think it’s done. Three times I let a man have it and two times it’s been tossed back. Third time doesn’t look like it’s a charm. I really think he’s just gonna stomp all over it and walk away as if the last ten years was ten minutes. When people stop talking to you and tell you they don’t want to talk about it, that’s a pretty significant thing.

So aside from being an emotional zombie who doesn’t know how to do anything except sit and let the hot tears wash down her face, I still need homes for some of the babies. Last time the mobilization got me all jacked up on hope and got one kitten a home. Can it be done again? This time to save my sanity or my life (since my blood pressure is about as high as strokesville.) You tell me.

Am I wasting my breath again? Maybe I should just open the door and push them all out… cats, the DH, the lazy kid. Or maybe I should just quietly get the car fixed, toss some stuff in the trunk, pick up my netbook and walk away from all of them. That seems really irresponsible of me. I’m not usually the type you can’t rely on to see things through, but I’m tired of the lip service from everyone starting with my daughter, the man I’ve been with for ten years, and all those people on here who promised to help me but couldn’t be bothered to return an email. Am I the only person out here with ethics and a heart? Is that why everyone stomps on me? Is that why I feel so miserable that I’m gonna have to run to the sink and yak as soon as I post this?

For years I’ve been responsible for others. I’m still responsible for them, sacrificing for them. And I don’t feel appreciated in the least. Now, I’ve strangers treating me the same way with their empty promises of assistance. Am I wrong to want someone to be straight up with me and just help me without asking for or expecting anything in return or reneging? And those people I would like something from – my kid, my DH – why is it that they care only for their own feelings and nothing for mine? Am I just something they use like a utensil or a car? I’m convenient and acquiescent I guess. Perfect for giving lip service to.

If you know someone who could help find the kittehs homes, please repost and retweet the Craigslist link. I really do need homes for them before they end up in the street. I have a feeling that is where I am headed here soon because I just do not see a HEA up ahead.

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The Return of Marcus

He’s baaaaack! WOOT! Here’s a Marcus to brighten your Monday!

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I like a man with nice hands. *sigh*

A couple quick things… First up, I still haven’t been able to restore my email and I know damn good and well all my blog reader appreciation winners didn’t get their prizes. *cough* Dave*cough* So please, if you were listed as a prize winner, EMAIL ME. Thank you. :)

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Next, I want to start a new Marcus Award contest but I don’t know what kind of contest it should be. So, leave me some suggestions why don’t you? I don’t wanna do comment whore again. LOL

And finally, Holden the cocksucker still needs your votes. I think he should at least beat the het spanky boy in 2nd place. You can vote for Holden once a week, with each valid email address that you have. Voting link is HERE.

I’m going to the DMV today so wish me luck. Urg. Thanks everyone and have a great Monday!

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Why Can’t the Cocksucker Win?

Yanno, I can pimp other people pretty well. I drop their names everywhere. Do you think I can pimp myself worth a damn? HELL NO!

My character Holden Antaeus is in a poll for the hottest hero of the summer.  This guy screws women and men. He has a throbbing dragon cock (TDC © 2009 blogography.com). He’s even a black dragon! He’s got ALL the bases covered – sexually, ethnically, and more! I think he should win. Yet, I cannot bring myself to get on every Yahoo group I’m a member of and BEG for votes.

Two people already have over 300 votes. *sigh* I suppose the only way I would get that many is if every person I know recruited a buncha other people to vote for Holden.  I want this, but I cannot get my fingers to type the begging words. This sucks ass.

So here’s the thing. I’d love to win this thing by NOT begging and looking like a complete fucking moron. I mean, that would put a bee in the bonnet of all those people who did beg, right? So, to do it, someone would have to start a movement, wouldn’t they? On blogs, on Twitter, on Yahoo and and Live Journal and ning or whatever. It would be cool if someone did. But I can’t beg. It just wouldn’t be right. I’ll still love you all if you read this, laugh at me, and move on to dinner or a movie or whatever.

Click this link to find Holden’s information. (Scroll down to his name on both pages.)

Click this link to vote for Holden if you are so inclined.

But maybe you’d like to start the Throbbing Dragon Cock Movement. If so, feel free to retweet and post and do all those networking things we all do when we want to get the word out. Tell people we want the bi dragon to win! C’mon! Het men win everything! Why can’t the cocksucker win for once?

Here’s a picture of the book cover and a picture of Holden.

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I’m pretty sure that there’s no way to beat the authors who’ve begged all over the planet for votes, but it would sure be pretty cool if it happened.  Sorta like a black man becoming president or beating a parking ticket rap. *wink*

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Cruising & Guesting

I know I’ve been MIA. I’m sorry. The power supply went out on my desktop and apparently it had been shorting out for awhile unnoticed. It tweaked a lot of stuff on its way out and I ended up having to reformat my hard drive AGAIN. This has been the 3rd time in 2 years. I’m so not happy. I do have Mozy backups of stuff so I mostly didn’t lose things, but I’m having issues restoring my email and I think I’ve lost it all which is really a serious thing because I’ve got fulls and partials of submissions for Freya’s Bower and Wild Child Publishing there.

I need some kind of new system with email I think. Or I need to reassess how I’m doing my Mozy backups. I should have been able to restore the folders and emails. No dice so far. Anyone who is good with Outlook (an old version) care to try? I could use the help. I’m at wits end here.

Anyway, I’m not really here today. I’m guest blogging at my pal Selena’s talking about length. Click the link and come by. You’re more than welcome to disagree with me about length. Hee hee.

Selena Illyria’s Blog

Rott and I went on a late night run for Mexican food last night. Ahh. Cruising in the SUV. Ten pm on a Saturday night, the county is clogged with traffic because the fair is going on. We went all the way to Alberto’s in Fountain Valley and found… a line out the parking lot onto the street. Seems Alberto’s is very popular late on a Saturday night. Rott got a little turned around going home. I can’t say I blame him. I never go there so I didn’t think he was doing wrong either. We weren’t lost or anything. We just took the wrong freeway exit – south instead of north.

I gotta say, I wasn’t all that unhappy with the wrong turn despite the fact that it frazzled Rott’s nerves. (He doesn’t like to do stuff wrong. And like me, he never gets lost. So the wrong exit thing kinda upset him.) The wrong turn meant we got to drive longer. For me it had a twofold plus, one I got to spend more time with Rott. I love watching him drive. Always have. I love his hands and forearms so watching him steer and shift has always been a secret pleasure of mine.

The second thing that was cool was getting to ride in the truck. It’s a really nice SUV. Infiniti Q45. It’s not a stick so no shifting like in his Prelude, but it’s a seriously nice ride. He was finding it to be a pain in the ass because he couldn’t just zip around the freeway and change lanes like he used to. It bothered him that the blind spot was so huge and you have to rely on your mirrors a lot more and be more cautious changing lanes. It’s an adjustment and last night it added to his frazzled nerves. Still, for me anyway, it was a nice outing. Upped my hope level that maybe things can be worked out.

Hopefully, I can find my Marcus photos and get a Monday Marcus up. At the very least, he’ll back the following week. I think I know where the images are. Meanwhile, have a great Sunday!

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