Ashes

I remember Jester talking on Twitter about reconnecting with people from his past on Facebook.  I haven’t done much with Facebook but recently,  I was talking on a Yahoo group about what inspired my story Silver Lining that will be out in July and I thought of a way to try to reconnect with some people from my past.  It worked and I connected with a guy I’d known more than 20 years ago. He was best friends with a guy I’d been seeing.

Now, for those of you who don’t know or don’t remember me talking about Silver Lining, what spurred this story was the fact that I’d been daydreaming of what it would be like to find this guy online by happenstance. So I wrote the story of a woman who left a man she loved because she couldn’t handle the age difference.  The man let her go and always regretted that he hadn’t fought to keep her. Fifteen years later they meet online, only they don’t actually realize who they are until they meet face to face and their past relationship – one that neither of them forgot – is rekindled.

It’s a romantic and erotic story filled with yearning and pain and renewed hope. Nothing like the reality of my life I assure you! *wink* At any rate, one of the authors on the group thought I should find the man from my past and I told her nah, don’t think so. I’m happy where I am and with who I’m with.  She insisted that maybe he still thought about me too. I told her he was probably married with a bunch of kids and that his wife probably wouldn’t like it if he sat around thinking about ME! LOL She let it go. But only a handful of hours later I got a notice from Facebook that I had an email from the guy who’d been his best friend. In that email, Sid said he’d heard Paul was a meth addict now.

Okay, aside from the fact that it totally shattered my vision of Paul’s life, that news made me incredibly sad. And I wondered if his descent into that hell was in any way something that happened because of what had happened to us. Not that what had happened was my fault. I didn’t feel guilty but I did wonder.  So all the little daydreams I’d had became ashes with that email. I know what meth addicts are like and I wonder how much of my Paul is still left inside him. And… I’m just sad that his life turned out that way.  Still, my Silver Lining dream was a nice one and it fueled the story which is still one of my favorite things that I’ve written.

Funny how odd life can be that Sid popped up right after Lisa told me I should look for Paul.  Very karmic.

So now, how about a nice Marcus to round out my Monday rambles? The posed stuff is awesome but I still like the Marcus candids best.

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Wishing you a happy hot Marcus Monday!

wintersig

Questicles

As most of you know, Motley has been playing WoW. She has a guild called Questicles so I made her a forum for it. My new hosting company has auto install of phpbb boards so I had her up and running in less than an hour. She’s been enjoying herself playing both horde and alliance characters. Then early this morning, she and a friend came upon a quest that made her – and me – sad. She had to find Hilary’s Necklace.

Just looking at the two little cartoon kids fishing made me sad because I know that my friend is sad. In my head I heard that famous line from Casablanca, “We’ll always have Paris”, but in my mind I changed it to “We’ll always have Hilary’s Necklace.” And although Motley and I were saddened by the quest, we know our friend is headed out on a new quest, in a new land, with every chance to be happy once more.

In a short time, Rott will be home and I wonder if this is my chance to be happy once more or if history will repeat itself. It will be a new quest for us and it will be especially hard for Rott. But I worry all the time that everything will just go back to the way it was and I will have to walk away. It’s a very stressful time in my house right now as we prepare for his homecoming in May.

All stress and sadness and questicles aside… since it’s Monday it’s time for a Marcus. I’ve been hunting for new Marcus photos and haven’t come up with any I don’t already have. I’m gonna have to start posting photos I’ve posted before! That’s not much of a hardship though for me. I can look at him for hours. Heh.

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Those shorts are way tacky but I’d be more than happy to help him take them off. *wink*

Have a great Monday everyone!

wintersig

In God’s Garden

Last night we lost one of our own. I didn’t know her well, although I knew a lot about her life because of the kind of person she was – open and giving. I did have the privilege of exchanging emails with her over an issue, and found her to be intelligent and full of the kind of grace that most of us can only dream of having.

Today, Lisa from Clusterfook walks in God’s Garden… Finally, cancer-free.

Stevie Nicks – Gods Garden (Duet Version).mp3 – Stevie Nicks

God’s Garden

Through the mist I see her face
Looking down on me
Don’t know the time, don’t know the place
Let her eyes watch over me
She comes in deepest sleep
Can’t help but fall at her feet
Won’t let her in for all I’ve seen
This I will take to my grave
I see her walk on water
head held up high
Playing in God’s garden
I’ll be there to hold you when you cry
The path grown over through the years
Walking on the pain towards my fears
Talking to myself for comforts sake
Holding on so I won’t break
Sometimes I hear angels sing
Their tears wash away my sins
Don’t know what my destiny will bring
Just spend eternity with me

My heart goes out to Lisa’s family. May they have the strength to endure this pain, as she so courageously did.

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Silence!

It seems funny that on the first day of this new domain name that I would be silent. However, I am. In a moment. First I want to direct you all to Jester’s post about this day of silence. The world would truly be a dark place if he wasn’t here to answer our emails, IMs, and tweets. And I’m not just saying that because he did such an awesome job on this new house. I’m saying it because anyone with an infectious laugh like his should not ever have it silenced by an act of hate. I’m sure Lawrence had an infectious laugh too. It’s gut wrenching to think that all his laughter was silenced, and that he had the joy sucked out of him by those who hate.

So don’t look for me on Twitter today. I won’t be by to comment on your blogs until Saturday. I can’t totally shut down life and give up the phone, talking, email, or IM because I do have work to do. (Yes, I WORK on IM. It’s how I communicate with the other Bar writers.)

Have a truly wonderful day, and remember how much hate hurts. Be thankful for your friends.