Mixed Emotions

The weekend was fraught with the title of this blog post. There’s shit going on at home. There’s shit going on with websites. There’s shit going on on Facebook. And damn it all…there’s just shit going on in this world.

Top of the charts: One of the Ellora’s Cavemen was murdered early Sunday morning. It’s shocking and such a loss for the staff and authors at EC. And imagine how his friends and family must feel. I mean, the guy was only 27. He purportedly died in his best friend’s arms. At least he wasn’t alone, but still. 27.

At 27, I was having a shitty year. I could have died and probably very few people would have known it. It was a really bad year. But this guy…he had everything going for him. Who the fuck ever took a gun to a club and used it during an altercation should be strung up. I mean c’mon. If you’re that pissed, you punch someone, not shoot them. What does that say about the shooter’s respect for life? The whole thing makes me angry and sick to my stomach at how low so many people who call themselves humans truly are.

Next up: My house. I hate poisonous snakes. I hate the  909-ers who bottle neck my road. But I don’t want to sell or lose my house. But I think my old man has given up. When that happens, I never win. And I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I think I just need to walk away from him and all his problems and neuroses that cost me money and years off my life because of the stress.

And I’m really tired of being broke. I might love him but I’m really tired of being broke. Sometimes I dream of what my life would be like if I had no one to support but me. Man, that’s weird. I’ve never had no one to support but me. I’ve supported other people my entire life, no breaks. I don’t think I’d know what to do with myself.

There’s other stuff. Stuff I don’t have the energy to bring up cause my gut is churning and I need to eat a fistful of Tums. You don’t have to leave me a comment and say you’re sorry I’m going through this or feel this way. I know most of you are generous people and you do feel sorry that my life is shit. I’d rather you go tell someone to check out my books. Not buy them. Just check them out. I’m not trying to make a sale here. Just trying to put myself in front of possible new readers. If they look at my stuff and are interested enough to buy, that’s awesome. But I have a hard time telling people to go buy my books. I guess I’m not a good salesman.

I need a nice photo for inspiration today. Something to help me get through the day. I can’t even say week. Can’t look that far ahead.

Isn’t that pretty? I want to be there. It’s too fucking hot here. I look at that and I could just cry I want to be there so bad. Who gets 105 degree heat in September anyway?

Okay my lovelies. I must go to work. If you want to know what I’ve been reading that I liked, I have a fresh new Valentine Review that I put up yesterday here on this blog. If you want to see where I’m guest blogging about pro sports and bullying and being gay in the NFL check out my pal Tara Lain’s blog. And tomorrow on the 2nd Alix Rickloff invited me over to Blame It On the Muse to talk about Scrambling. Wait until you see that blog post. There’s a port-a-potty in it. LOL

Happy Monday!


Photo courtesy Stock.XCHNG

What Can I Say?

Honestly, what can I say about yesterday that hasn’t already been said? I can’t think of a thing. I wanted to do what I’d done ten years ago and tie a flag to my car’s antenna. Unfortunately, my Honda doesn’t HAVE an antenna. Ten years ago I was driving a 280ZX and I left the power antenna partially extended so we could attach a flag to it. I flew it proudly too. Somehow, I thought I’d see more cars with flags and other signs of patriotism. I saw very few.  And then I saw something weird. I took Nikki home and there’s a fire station just outside the gates of the complex she lives in. I rolled out of the gate, looked at the fire station and saw that their flag was not at half mast.

I have to admit that bugged me. The flag where I work has been at half mast since Friday. And here’s a very nice, shiny and newish fire station in Costa Mesa, in a nice neighborhood, showing no recognition of an important day in our country’s recent history. No show of respect for those who died. I wasn’t exactly offended, but I was saddened by the fact that they hadn’t put that flag at half mast. The station looked like it was just any other day rather than the 10th anniversary of the worst attack against this country on our own soil.

I don’t understand people who go to the extreme of ignoring the anniversary of such a historic event nor do I understand those who take it to the other extreme of remembrance, those who are so overcome by the event and the day that they cannot function. We should remember this. It profoundly affects us all in some way and those who say that day had no impact on their lives are lying. At the very least, it affected our economy so it affected them. Even if you personally don’t want to acknowledge it, it affected everyone.

Anyway, I wonder who in that fire station put the flag out yesterday.

Since it’s Monday, it’s time for another Marcus and then it’s back to the grind for me, not that the grind ever really stops because I work at home at my other jobs. A Marcus always makes Monday go a little easier for me though.

I would play ball with him any day. *le sigh* Hope you all had a good weekend and are now facing your Monday relaxed and destressed! Happy Monday!

For the Puppy Monster

I’m back from moving into my new house and killing off my desktop computer. The new computer is amazing and I didn’t lose any files so all’s well that ends well there.

I’m blogging today instead of Monday for a reason. Today is an anniversary for a blogger friend, but it’s an anniversary no parent should ever have. Please, hug your children today. Mine is flying off to Wisconsin for her school break and believe me, I’ll be giving her extra hugs. And this summer, if your kids are around any bodies of water, please be extra safe and extra vigilant. My heart goes out to those parents who have lost a child and today, it bleeds for Dave, New York City Watch Dog, who lost his puppy monster four years ago.


Sending many hugs to NYCWD today,

So Sorry

I don’t have a post for you today. I’m kinda upset. Someone close to me hurt my feelings very, very badly and I just need a moment to pull myself back together. I can’t abandon the things I have to do like go to work and take someone to school. Putting one foot in front of the other to do what I must to ensure people are fed and bills are paid regardless of how I feel takes all my energy. I just don’t have anything left over inside me to give to you today. So I’m sorry.

I did post over at Lex Valentine yesterday about alphas and betas. There’s even a couple of nice pictures although they aren’t Marcus. I hope you all have a much better Monday than me.

Rows of Crosses

I’ve been to Arlington National Cemetery. I’ve seen the Eternal Flame. I’ve seen the row upon row of crosses as they march across the grass. And I know that they represent a person who either served our country or died serving our country. For those of you who don’t know what the difference is, Veteran’s Day in the fall is in honor of every person who served our country in the military. Memorial Day honors those who lost their lives serving our country.  Memorial Day is for those crosses.

Every Memorial Day this poem reminds of those who lost their lives. It’s one of my favorites and my father, who was a veteran of WWII, loved it too. It’s ironic that it was written by a Canadian, but you cannot argue the truth and emotion of the words.

For those families who lost a loved one in service to their country, I thank you. This poem is for them.

In Flanders Fields

By: Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, MD (1872-1918)
Canadian Army

In Flanders Fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

I’m off to work. There is a big event at the cemetery today and you are all invited. If you come by, my boss will give you a hot dog and a bottle of water! (He’s in charge of the food tent again.) You won’t see me. I’ll be inside holding down the fort for my department so we don’t fall behind at month end and lending support to the receptionists by giving locations of graves to those who aren’t interested in the event.

Before I go, it’s never a Monday without Marcus so here’s a very solemn one. It just wouldn’t feel right to post a half naked one on Memorial Day. 🙂

Wishing you and yours a happy Memorial Day!