Monster Invasion

The monsters in my life invade everything. My day, my night, my absolute everything. You see, the monsters are 2 feral cats and an arrogant kitten. My boyfriend tamed some feral kittens and that’s how I ended up with Swirly and Dum Dum (aka Dummy)Feral Cat. Otherwise known as the Feral Brothers.

The boys are about a year old now and in the past two or three months have gotten bigger and filled out. Okay, Dummy has gotten bigger and filled out. Swirly is still a skinny little thing afraid of his own shadow. They are very loving especially Swirly who likes to sleep with me and burrows under my hand as I sleep so I’m touching him. Dummy, so named because he’s a “big dumb guy” is a little more independent and lackadaisical. That’s Swirly with the big scared eyes.

The first thing anyone notices about Dummy is that he is beautiful. Exceptionally so. I just can’t get over how he turned into a big thick muscular butterball from the tall lean kitten he was before. I mean, I thought he was done growing he was so big, but oh, no! Overnight he seems to have become a big ass tom cat!

Now, added to this mix of the Feral Brothers is my daughter’s kitten, Neko aka Neko Monster aka Miss Sparta. This kitten is an attention whore and she has more energy than both boys put together. She causes a LOT of trouble! The boys were comparatively mellow until she came. She is wired out of her skull! If you’ve ever seen the Mean Kitty Song about Little Sparta the Mean Kitty on You Tube then you have seen Neko in action. She is just like Sparta.

These three monsters invade everything I do. Eating, sleeping, reading, working on the computer. Whatever it is that I am doing one or all of them will invade and mess with me. Usually, Neko Monster is the ring leader. I wonder how I’m gonna survive. I can’t eat, sleep, or go to the bathroom without the monsters. They sleep on my head, my legs, my stomach, my hands. They curl up around my feet if I’m on the toilet or sitting at my desk. They grab my legs when I get things out of the refrigerator. (They especially like the whipped cream can.) My life is a walking nightmare thanks to them. But I’m stuck. They’re so cute and lovable. I hate them and I love them. They make me laugh and they make me want to use them to make a field goal.

So I yell and curse and throw things at them… and let them sleep on me and eat off my plate when I’m done. Then I hear them purr and I know I couldn’t ever do anything really mean to them. Well, at least until the next time I try to put on my work shoes only to find a dried up cat turd they’ve been playing hockey with.


All Marcus, All the Time

How I came to be a skank is a strangely circuitous story. See, I have this thing for Marcus Schenkenberg. To me, the man is the most beautiful man in the world. I love his chest, his hands, his dimpled chin… just everything. He is the epitome of male beauty to me. I was obsessed with the man long before the Bar came into existence.

So here I am writing in the Bar and the day comes when Jen offers me Alaric Kohl for Lex Valentine’s mate. (See the post entitled The HEA.) Her inducement to me is to tell me that Alaric is embodied by Marcus Schenkenberg. I have to admit, that was a stroke of genius on her part, enticing me with Marcus. Of course I couldn’t resist.

Not long after that Jen invites me to this message board called Zanctuary or Z as we call it. The women there call each other skanks. They give each other skank names which I think have to be earned in some devious manner. So, very quickly it seemed, I was tagged as the Skankenberg. My response to this was to make skank avatars for everyone! I’ve had various versions of my skank av but this one was the first incarnation.

So now everywhere I go I have to use a Marcus av at some point. At JR Ward’s BDB MB I’m posting pics of Marcus in a kilt… or I’m posting about him at the Dark Muse Society. He’s even on my Yahoo Instant Messenger this week. It’s an av with Marcus and the little giraffe beanie Jen sent me for Christmas. Giraffes being synonymous with Marcus now because of Alaric. (Alaric’s mom makes him take dancing lessons even though at 6’6″ she says he’s a big giraffe.)

So now I’m a skank with an obsession with Marcus Schenkenberg, an attachment to a fictional character named Alaric the Asshole aka the big giraffe, and a collector of giraffe items. All because I think the man has the most beautiful chest and hands and um… everything ever. A skank with a giraffe fetish… not exactly what I thought I’d be at my age but what the hell. I’m enjoying myself drooling so just pass the tissues and laugh at me. It’s all good… and Marcus… he’s just too damn good.

Til next time. Laters peeps!

Anderson Cooper I Love You

Why is it that everyone assumes that you watch TV? My boss comes out of his office and says, “Hey did you see such and such last night on the History Channel?” When I say no, he kinda looks at me blankly. The same thing happened today with one of the Bar writers. He mentioned a character from Stargate Atlantis and I said, “No clue. I don’t watch TV.” One of the other writers had to use a character from a novel as the analogy – Adrian the Betrayer. Ok, Adrian I know. Ronon from Stargate, big blank. I wonder if I’m missing some character opportunities here by not watching TV series.

Now, it’s really not fair of me to say I don’t watch TV because I do. I can show you the cable and electricity bills that prove it. I just don’t watch the big 3 networks nor do I watch series television. I used to but it all bores me now and I get antsy sitting looking at the tube through all the commercials and stuff. I watched pretty much the entire Sopranos show over the years. The last two seasons were hard for me to sit through though.

What I watch is TVG. I’m a horse racing idiot. I love it. Sometimes I like it on in the background while I’m working so I can look over and watch all the really good races and the interviews which are often informative or funny. I love Matt Carruthers. He cracks me up. But no one else I know, except the simmers at derbyfever.com, even know who he is.

I watch the Weather Channel too. I like the storm and disaster stories. That’s me rubbernecking like an idiot ogling a car accident on the 22 freeway. That Jim Cantore… hot. Dude is way hot. The other thing I watch is CNN. I am nuts about CNN. I think I got addicted to it during the first Gulf War when they were broadcasting through the bombing. It was amazing. One of the high points of television’s history to me.

Truthfully, while Larry King is ok and Wolf Blitzer is too, I hate the morning program at CNN. I miss Soledad O’Brien. I hate Kieran Chetry. She couldn’t even say the name ZOE correctly on the New Year’s Eve show! God, I cringed. What a MORON! She was distracting me from my main reason for watching… Anderson Cooper. God I love that man. His sense of humor, the way he pokes fun at himself… but the dude is smart. Way, f-ing smart. I don’t mind the grey hair either. Heh… he has more than me! Woot!

All the speculation about whether he’s gay or not… who gives a shit? I sure don’t. I just love the man. I don’t care who he has sex with as long as I can turn on CNN and see him smile at me. And I really think he’s one of those people who cares about his viewers in the sense that he doesn’t see us as cattle but as people who watch him to become informed. I honestly don’t think he has a fat head about himself. I love him so much I even have an Anderson Cooper wallpaper… he’s in a red CNN jacket being buffeted by Katrina. The high point of my love for the man, that I would put him on my desktop. What can I say? If you make it to my desktop you are golden.

So really… I watch TV. I just don’t watch the stuff YOU watch. I watch a little football sometimes. I watch Speed Channel sometimes… usually the Craftsman Truck Series cuz it’s on after TVG Quarters is finished on the weekend. You know, Jen even got me to watch an entire episode of Men In Trees once. Ok, I fell asleep for about 15 minutes in the beginning half because it was boring and Scott Elrod wasn’t in that half hour much. I even tried to watch that Moonlight vamp show because Victor Webster was on. My co-worker Linda keeps saying the vamp is so fine… but pffft. Vic just blew him away for looks. I will watch Victor Webster any day. Um, except that day… I only managed about 15 minutes. Then I got antsy and bored and changed back to CNN.

I guess I have a You Tube attention span these days. I can watch the Mean Kitty Song over and over. Hey little Sparta… And Gunther… too f-ing funny! Do NOT mention the jar of dirt one to me though. I’m not that big a Johnny Depp fan. Ok, I’m done. I guess I just wanted to say that I really do watch TV. It’s just that I would be a lot more interested in the medium if there was an Anderson Cooper channel.

Laters peeps!

The Man Who Was Left Behind

The picture above is Andrei Andrei. The one below is me and Paul. Don’t you think Paul looks a little like Andrei? Paul’s the man I had but couldn’t have. He’s the one I left behind. I think I left something behind with him too and it wasn’t my Nagel or my sheets from Neiman Marcus or even the half a gold heart on a chain… I think it was a little piece of me. Ah, well. Such is life.