We Are the Waiting

Last night I watched Green Day do all of American Idiot on VH1’s Storyteller.  I just love that band. Their energy, their ability to turn their politics into music, their willingness to stick their necks out.  And I love how one of the titles suits us right now.

We are definitely the Waiting.  We have an offer in on a house we really, really like (with a RED kitchen) and now we are the Waiting. I am both scared to death and excited beyond belief. And for once in my trial ridden life, I need something to go very right. I need this to go right.

The house thing has eclipsed getting ready for the Romantic Times convention. It’s eclipsed my new release the first week of April. It’s eclipsed the launch of my company’s new website (which isn’t actually up yet) that I’ve spent a significant amount of time on.  I can’t remember when I’ve been so damned scared that something won’t work out. And I hate living with fear. It means I eat Mylanta and can’t sleep.

So the ticking time bomb of my patience and self-possession is counting down to a scream of either elation or sheer bloody pain and disappointment. I guess we’ll know within a week which scream gets released.

Meanwhile, I do still have to go to work and bust my behind to get lots of stuff done early for month end in order to be able to go to RT and not leave the company in the lurch. So without further ado, here’s today’s Marcus.

Still the best abs and pecs ever! Man, I love looking at him!

And now it’s time to head off into the sunrise. You all have a great Monday!

Gah! Earworms!

Sometimes I don’t mind earworms. I usually have one when I’m working on a manuscript (the current manuscript, Sunstroked, has a Godsmack earworm, Love-Hate-Sex-Pain) and I often get them at work when I’m concentrating. I also wake up with them. I’m not sure how that works. My unconscious just produces a song and leaves it stuck in my head. The ones I wake up with are the hardest to get rid of.

When I was in the spotlight at Whipped Cream’s blog last week, I talked about the soundtrack to the books I wrote. The fact of the matter is, those songs were earworms.  They drove me nuts the whole time I was writing. On the other hand, they also helped me over the rough spots when I struggled to find the words.

One of the commenters at Whipped Cream said I should put that soundtrack on my website. Me being me, I thought that a great idea! So I went hunting for a way to put the soundtrack on the Lex Valentine site. Since the demise of Imeem, I’d sort of been at a loss. Blip.fm confuzzles me. Last.fm is missing a lot of the odd stuff I listen to. I ended up at Playlist.com. And yanno, it worked! Well, mostly anyway. LOL Two songs are missing from the list but I put them on there individually using Rhapsody.

If you look at the soundtrack, it’s a pretty diverse list. And I bet if you look at the list, you’ll wince when you think of some of those songs as an earworm. And your wincing would be right. It was horribly painful to have the Backstreet Boys stuck in my head for weeks. Although, I have to admit, Helpless When She Smiles doesn’t sound like the old Backstreet Boys stuff. Sounds a lot more mature. For you rockers, you’ll see some fresh new stuff too like the Godsmack song and Breaking Benjamin. Both are worthy earworms.

So how do I finally get a new earworm without having to switch manuscripts? Usually, I play something else. Something just as earworm-worthy. It works until I wake up with yet another song stuck in my head. Oy.

This Monday I need to see something a little fanciful for my Marcus offering.

This suits the sci fi mood I’ve been in lately. 🙂  Don’t be surprised if I turn out a sci fi story in the next six months. LOL Have a great Monday!

What You Wish For

Today, I have a Tuesday Tune and then I’m gonna get all personal on you.

When people ask me what my favorite Christmas song is, I usually offer up the old carols. The songs I sang in accapella choir. The Boar’s Head Carol, the Coventry Carol, the Holly & the Ivy, Carol of the Bells… you know the stuff. The very old non-commercial stuff. I could tell you all about the Coventry Carol and Lady Godiva and some other stuff, but MEH. No one cares anymore. Everyone likes modern music. Madonna doing Santa Baby. That Mariah Carey song. Aaron Neville.

Don’t get me wrong. I like some of ’em too. Bing Crosby and David Bowie doing the Little Drummer Boy. But the truth of the matter is that in some ways I am a child of the 80’s still. The band that rose to such huge prominence and to this day retains as much respect for their politics as their music holds a place in my heart with their Christmas song.

Last year, I cried for hours. I just wanted Rott. I was so lonely without him. I was worried about him too up in the Sierras in the cold. I wanted things to be like they used to be. Of course, stupid me was thinking back several years instead of just one or two years. Our first Christmas together in Huntington Beach.  The year we were homeless and he brought a tree to the motel on Christmas Eve. I missed just holding him and having him hold me. Last year felt so much like my first Christmas without my parents that I got a little drunk. Couldn’t take the pain.

This year he’s home and all the joy and love that I thought would be there isn’t. It’s been replaced by wariness, caution, fear, trust issues, and a host of the most painful emotions I’ve ever experienced. I’m beset with loss and the man is right there. Things may not be hopeless but at the moment my limboland is painful and painfully barren. I’m not alone like last year, but the loss of so many of my hopes has left me feeling raw and even more lonely than I was last year.

I laughed at myself a few days ago about getting what you wish for. All I could wish for last year was to have him home with me where I knew he was safe and where I could show him that I loved him. This year… I know he’s safe at least. And when he smiles, I can see it. And I know that all this churning emotion at least tells me that I am still alive inside this shell.

And even if we can’t yet cross the chasm between us, and may never be able to, I have those places I can go to in my heart where I can still feel the heat of those memories we made together.  In my mind, Christmas will always be about that night we struggled to decorate a tree that filled a little room and how we laid together in the dark, holding hands, listening to midnight mass on the TV as the lights blinked on that dried out tree.

Sometimes, the best Christmas’s are the ones in your heart.

Christmas Card?

I made one. Yes, indeedy. Took last year’s and changed it. The credits at the end are a list of what I am thankful for this year. Make sure you watch it all. 🙂

Now, didn’t I promise you some feminine hotness? So here’s sorta how I see my three Tales heroines.

Shifting Winds

heroine: Elysia Granville, actress Naomi Watts

naomi_watts-as elysia

Hot Water

heroine: Eden Antaeus, actress Sofia Vergara

SofiaVergara1-aseden

Ride the Lightning

heroine: Emily Carrington, actress Natasha Henstridge

natasha-henstridge-asemily

And there  you have it! A look at sorta how the heroes and heroines of the Tales series appear to me. None of the photos do justice to the image in my head really. Immortals are all so much more perfect than humans and have that preternatural attractiveness that a human could never have. Meh. It’s one of the reasons I like my world so much. Even a woman like Emily who has more elegance than beauty comes of as extraordinarily gorgeous because of her dragon-ness.

Hope you all have a great Tuesday! Happy Holidays!

wintersig