What Was I Thinking?

Umm, yeah. I registered for the Romantic Times Booklovers Convention. Do you know how much money that was? And how much the rooms are? And the parking? And all the stuff I have to buy (like a suitcase) because I don’t travel? And all the promo stuff I have to get?

Good thing this convention is deductable for me. Still, please don’t tell Rott how much I spent…

Actually, he has a fair idea. He already ix-nayed on the parking for 5 days at $35 a day.  “Oh, no. You can pay ME half that and I’ll drop you off Tuesday and pick you up on Sunday!”

Yeah, right. I’ll buy gas which means he better drive me in the Infiniti and NOT the little Honda. If I gotta be chauffeured, I want to be seen arriving in the luxury SUV. Never mind that it’s 8 years old. It’s still an Infiniti.

And idiot that I am…I have to be ME. I can’t just get a black suitcase. I have to get a giraffe print one. I can’t just get a black sleeve for my netbook (I’m not taking the full giraffe print laptop case I already have because I’m not taking all the accessories.) I have to get the giraffe print one. I can’t just carry my giraffe wallet by its leash. I have to get a new Dooney letter carrier bag that I can sling across my shoulders. Giraffe print, of course.

I didn’t get new pajamas. They didn’t have giraffe print ones. *grumble, grumble*

Damn it. People are gonna remember me. Even if it’s to laugh at my giraffe crap.

And did I tell you that I get to sign books? The print ones and cover flats for the ebooks? I DO! Two days in a row! OMG! I will totally feel like a real author then. But I think I need to figure out how to sign my pen name…

This is like a new world for me. I’m excited and scared to freaking death. And the money…*moans* What was I thinking? Do you know what I could do with the money? I could buy a new washing machine and a new battery for the Infiniti, both of which died last week. But no. I had to indulge myself. My ego. Well, my author ego really. Not that I have much of one to indulge but by the time this convention is through I’ll either have a little bit bigger one or what I do have will be reduced to rubble.

Have I mentioned I’m a complete wallflower who is terrified of meeting new people? Hilly remembers how I am. I would never have faced Dave Diego without her. But here I am willingly facing the firing squad of hundreds of people on my own.

Someone told me I would be okay once they slapped that name tag on me that says, “LEX VALENTINE, AUTHOR.” And maybe that is the crutch I need to lean on to make it through. I need to remember that even though I am pretty much low on the totem pole of authorship and pretty much unknown, there are SOME people out there who will recognize my name. I just have to keep remembering that I had the balls to walk up to New York Times bestselling author Allison Brennan at the Orange County RWA meeting and she made my year by looking at my name tag and saying, “I know who you are.”

Maybe that’s what I was thinking when I whipped out my credit card and paid for this convention.

Now, how about a Marcus that I don’t need my credit card to pay for?

Oh yum. God, he makes my Mondays easier. Despite what I spent this weekend. *winces*

Have a great Monday everyone!

My Bitch Mary

My bitch Mary, along with a lot of other bloggers with kids, is happy that school is starting. Poor Mary has been dealing with a lot of stuff, but she still manages to come by here and make a comment guaranteed to make me smile or laugh. I appreciate Mary, although you wouldn’t know it since my laggy ass hasn’t mailed her birthday present or her Marcus prize.

Still, I loves her a bunch, so today’s Tuesday Tune is for her. A little Saving Jane…

Mary by Saving Jane

And a little cartoon…

Hope I made you and Mary smile! Have a great Tuesday!


Usually, I am this:

Today I am this:

Fuck, I’m tired. Seriously tired. As in stay in bed until 10 am tired. That’s unheard of in my house unless I’m sick. I’m not bright. Not scintillating. Not fun. Not creative. I feel dull, dull, dull. Oh, wait. I Photoshopped something for my friend Jen, she of the awesome boobage.

It’s a picture for the Bar. A little dirty dancing scene to make someone jealous. It works spectacularly well too.

Looking at CNN just now… only to find my home turf is on fire. Big Sur was part of my stomping grounds in Monterey County. Apparently, it’s ablaze now. It’s really sad to think of such a beautiful place consumed by fire.

I need a laugh so I’m reposting a pic that makes me laugh. Mary and ShinyBitch will get a big laugh too. Maybe it will make you laugh. I dunno. Click on it and see it full size. There’s just something about giraffe sex that makes you giggle.

Yeah. That worked. I’m smiling now even though it’s time to go to work. At least it’s Friday and I can sleep in a little tomorrow. After that, I’ll be glued to the twats from BrittCon. Hopefully, I’ll have something to say here in my blog this weekend. Perhaps I’ll have some tiara photos. Oooh. There’s an idea. I think I’ll take Dave’s tiara to the cemetery today and take photos. HEH. Happy Friday!

PS: The tiara IS on the road today. Check my Flickr feed to see where the tiara is currently! Also, there will be updates on Twitter, if the stupid thing decides to work today. Follow me to be updated on the tiara!

I Dream of Nikki

I totally had the freakiest dream ever this morning. Usually, my dreams are vague these days and I wake up and thrust away any remaining images, so I can get moving with the day. The crystal clear dreams happen rarely to me now. When I do have one of those dreams, it’s usually about one of my characters or something to do with the Bar. At about 5:30 this morning, I had a very vivid dream about Nikki Sixx.

Celebrities are not my thing when it comes to dreams. I rarely dream about them. I don’t think I’ve ever had a Marcus dream. Well, maybe I did. Once. But this is like the third or fourth Nikki dream I’ve had, and I don’t even go to his website and message board regularly like I used to. It’s been a few months since I read his book and I haven’t listened to the CD recently either. I wasn’t thinking about him at all yesterday. Not one thought, so where the hell did this dream come from?

In the dream, we were at a street fair. It started out with him kissing my cheek with an indulgent smile, apologizing for being late, yadda yadda about the traffic on the 405. Then I’m introducing him to this tall ass guy who was a school principal. I don’t know who the principal was. My kid’s not even in school. The principal gave me an indulgent smile too when I introduced Nikki, saying, “I know who he is. I’ve seen his face on all the kids’ t-shirts.” This guy was really tall too, Darrien tall, like 6’10” or something.

We moved on and I introduced Nikki to my network consultant, Steve. What Steve was doing at the street fair was another weird thing. I mean, maybe he and his wife go to stuff like that, but why was Steve in my dream? The next thing I know, Nikki has his arm over my shoulders as we’re wandering through the crowd and he’s whispering in my ear, “Do you think they believe that I’m your boyfriend?”

“You’re not my boyfriend. You’re older than me. I don’t go out with guys my age or older,” I tell him with a teasing grin.

He kisses my temple. “Now you know what you’ve been missing, dontcha?” he chuckles. He starts nibbling my double helix and I’m getting all shivery. “I love your ear. All those holes and gauges. It’s incredibly hot,” he murmurs. “Hard to resist.”

I’m turning into a puddle, right there in the middle of a street fair! Then some guy, don’t know who, nor where he came from, says, “You know, Nikki left you a present. You’ll have to go back and get it.”

I look at Nikki and he’s got this smirky smile. “You are gonna love this,” he tells me.

I stare at him wide eyed. “I don’t need presents,” I protest.

“Yes, you do,” he insists. “You deserve them, and I need to give them to you. Over and over. So shut up and enjoy.”

The present is this condo with beautiful wood floors and a couch shaped like lips. In my heart, I know I deserve this gorgeous house and that cool couch, but I have this nit picky worry inside me. So I tell Nikki, “Are you trying to buy your way into my heart?”

He laughs and leads me to the bedroom. Along the way, we pass a room with a big window, a zebra printed area rug, and a big black desk with a new laptop on it. “No way,” he tells me, that indulgent smile returning to his lips. “I know better than that! If I wanted to find a way into your heart, I’d let you blow me every hour on the hour!”

I blink up at him. Damn. How’d he get into my head? Then I realize someone from Zanctuary showed him my Confessions of a Blow Job Queen post. I look at the fully furnished bedroom. Waterbed. Giraffe sheets. I am so lost in lust at this point. I look at Nikki and he’s smirking again.

“No more air mattress,” I whisper in awe. I touch the bed and it’s waveless. I sigh. I am so in love… with the beautiful wood floors, the beautiful red lips couch, the waveless waterbed with giraffe print sheets, and a tattooed ex-heroin addict rock star who is *gasp* older than me!

“No more air mattress,” he tells me and pushes me down on the bed. It feels like a cloud. It is sooo wonderful. I moan. Nikki laughs softly. I open my eyes and he’s propped on an elbow beside me, grinning.

“Are you gonna write a song about me?” I ask.

He tugs on a long strand of my streaked hair. “I already did,” he replies. “You and your blog and your crazy internet friends and your deliciously wicked tongue.”

“How’d you manage to work all of that into a song?” I blink up at him, amazed at his talent.

“It was easy. You inspire me,” he says, nibbling on my double helix. “When you’re ready to give up the cemetery and write all day long, I’ll ask you to move in with me.”

If I had been on one of those heart monitors I swear they would have brought the crash cart. And then the alarm on my phone went off. Fucking phone. I coulda happily stayed in that dream for the rest of my life.

Anyone have any idea why I had this dream? I mean sure, Nikki Sixx is hot, but I wasn’t thinking about him at all! I swear I wasn’t! I’m stumped. And left feeling… unsatisfied. I wanted that dream to go on and on and on…

Enough Nikki for now. Here’s the naughty picture I promised you for Friday. We used this at the Bar and put heads on it. Marcus’ head on the male and Kelly’s on the female. When Mary and Shiny see this picture they are going to spew their drinks on their monitors! This has to be the funniest giraffe picture I have ever seen. It’s a good lead in to the weekend. Uh, not that I meant everyone should have giraffe sex this weekend…

Happy Friday everyone! Come back this weekend for some lust and pics of my new purse! MUAH!

Six Whacked Things Plus One Tune

My tune for this Tuesday is a little ditty that my friend Jen chose for us to use at the Bar. The first time I heard it, I went, WTF is this? But ya know, this song grew on me. I really like it now. I hope you play it a few times and enjoy it too.

So, Nicholas over at A Gentleman’s Domain did a meme about 6 non-important things/habits/quirks about himself. He sorta, in a gentlemanly way, challenged his readers to do the same if they so desired. Well, I didn’t have anything else going for Tuesday ‘cept the song, so I figured what the hell. Here’s six unimportant, whacked out things about me.

1. My daughter and I were born at the same time… sorta. My birth certificate says 12:41 am. Hers reads 12:41 pm.

2. I owned a Starsky & Hutch Gran Torino that I bought my senior year in high school.

3. I own a 6 foot tall inflatable giraffe. Thank you Mary, for a birthday gift that keeps on giving belly laughs and provides blog fodder.

4. I’m not that into sex toys. Fingers before vibrators is my reply when someone says, “I can’t believe you don’t like the rabbit!”

5. I lost my virginity in a grudge fuck. Yes, it’s true. I was that mad.

6. I have six holes in my left ear. By contrast, my right ear has but one. All the holes sport gauged earrings now, either 14 or 16 gauge, from a titanium twist with CZs (thanks Shiny!), to a sterling tribal flame, to a pair of titanium horseshoes. The left ear has 3 flesh piercings and 1 cartilage piercing at the bottom. At the top of the left ear is a double helix piercing. I got those last spring.

That’s all for today folks! Don’t all run screaming from the blog because of my holey ear! Have a great Tuesday!