Feed Me!

Yanno, I took Karl’s words to heart and I went back to my feed reader. Not just because Karl is the voice of sensibility on this issue, but because I’m really not up to clicking 60 freaking links all the time. Anyway, I’m finding that going back to the reader is annoying me. Well, really several things are annoying me. First of all, Feed Demon sucks at updating. I see a bunch of twats on Twitter with updates and I eagerly open Feed Demon. Nothing. I click on the manual refresh. Nothing. Two hours later, I see Karl’s newest post appear on Feed Demon… long after I’ve gone straight to Secondhand Tryptophan outside the reader. I check Newsgator too, which is synced with Feed Demon. Same thing. Lagging SOBs.

The other thing that gets me with using a feed reader isn’t really about the feed reader. It’s about the sites. Karl went into that stuff about feeds and RSS and feedburners. My annoyances are more specific. The big one is comments. Dave2 and Avitable do comments perfectly. Although, Avitable’s “Subscribe to the comments of this muthafucka” isn’t how everyone should offer this service, it IS the right thing to do. Dave2 has a link on his left sidebar for a comments feed. What’s so special about Dave and Adam, you ask (other than the obvious)? Their links are not comments for a specific post. It’s comments for ALL posts. ME LIKEY. This is so freaking easy a blog baby like me can do it!

Really the last thing that annoys me are all the authors out there who want you to READ them, but don’t supply you with a feed link. This is bad marketing. Some of us read A LOT OF BLOGS. A feed reader is a must when you get over a certain number. Everyone should offer a feed link. But most especially, authors should! I can’t believe how many author blogs and sites I’ve seen in the past 5 months who do not have feed or comment links. I WANT TO READ WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY! HELP ME HERE! I also wanna shoot off emails to all of them, telling them I’ll fix it for them! I would read many more author blogs, and read more frequently, if they all had links to their feeds and comments. It’s so sad that they are missing out on this awesome marketing tool. So those of you without those links, please think about putting them on your blog. I promise to read you more often if you do.

Alright, my little rant is done but the Feed Me part isn’t over with yet. You see, I listened to the New Improved Jester Show on Talk Shoe last night. I wasn’t crazy about the fancy pro app with the chat bubbles. Too busy for me. I went back to the web client and was quite happy. So happy, in fact, that I had the weirdest, most vivid dream about the show and the chat people and a couple of my friends. Here’s how it went:

Jester’s show turned into this big party in a huge mansion. Karl was giving out Secondhand Tryptophan buttons and explaining WJP. Jester was laughing a lot and UMB was making margys and threatening to run naked through the house. Everyone was telling him that wasn’t a threat at all. They wanted to see that! My friend Jen was there handing out chocolate pudding cups. Every time he got one, Dave would go back to the end of the line. (No surprise there!) He must have been worried though because he said he hoped he wasn’t allergic to chocolate pudding. He wasn’t sure he could stab himself with the epi pen…

My friend Greg, who is sorta seeing my friend Jen, showed up at the party then. He said margys were pussy drinks, to which Hilly told him, “Sweet sweet pussy…” In the kitchen, someone had set out a big pan of enchiladas which Greg liked. He told Jen to drink the margys and he’d eat the enchiladas. Dave told Greg, “No pudding for you!” and he took all the pudding cups from Jen. Greg ignored him and asked about the naked gay guy running around. That’s when I noticed UMB had decided he didn’t like his clothes anymore. Jen then told Greg that at least it wasn’t Darrie (who is 6’10”) from Zanctuary running around naked.

Howard was wondering if someone had a camera on UMB. Hellohahanarf was trying to explain to Othurme that she really did have TWO breasts. He didn’t seem to believe her because he kept asking for proof. Jester was so busy with a photo from TSMOregon that he missed UMB’s flashing. He was also praising Talk Shoe and trying to convert Karl and Hilly over to the “light side”. Someone said Mr. Drunkulous was on the phone. Someone was yelling about twats. Someone else was complaining about static and a hush fell over the room when a booming godlike voice said, “Macs are for sissies.” I thought Dave and Jester were going to have an apoplexy, but then Hilly said she found the tiara and I woke up.

I think I’ve been listening to too many Blog Talk Radio shows while talking to Jen in YIM. Have a freaky frakin Friday… TWKS!

Psst! I’m Pimpin’ Boobage…

Motley’s birthday is today. She is nineteen. If you go to her blog, you can see her boobs. Happy birthday, baby!

Since it’s Friday and I haven’t pimped anything in a long time, I decided I would pimp my friend Jen because she’s cool, and her rack is hot, and she’s single. So welcome to Big Pimpin’ Friday, Indiana style!

My friend Jen writes at the Bar. That’s where I met her. She’s a pretty cool lady. Very smart. Great with a snarky comeback. She lives and works in the Indianapolis area. She has a nice job, owns her own home, and has a dog… a boxer, not some pansy ass dog. There are things about Jen that no man can pass on, unless he’s gay. I mean, really, who can remain blase in the face of cheerleaders like these?

Yeah, she’s stacked pretty good. But the best part isn’t the fact that she’s got a rack that will render you mindless with lust. She’s very amusing. She makes me laugh all the time which means she ain’t boring. I, personally, do not feel that the creator of Alaric Kohl could ever be boring. However, Jen has what, to me, is a flaw. You men will not think this is a flaw. You will think she is a goddess. She likes basketball. *cringe*

Now, I played basketball in junior high and high school, but I never liked watching it. I was always more of a horse racing, auto racing, football kind of girl. Jen went to the Big Ten Tournament. On purpose. She took with her, a male friend of mine from the horse racing sim who is a Wisconsin fan. She spent four whole days living basketball, with only a short time out on Friday for her grandma’s funeral. She even turned on Sports Center when she got home! Now, that is a dedicated b-ball fan, my friends.

So now that you know that she’s into basketball, has a great rack, is smarter than a whip and can wield one on your ass with skill if that is what you like, you’re wondering what the catch is right? I think the catch is that she’s single. Men are afraid of single successful women these days. But I just don’t understand that. Someone needs to help me out here.

This woman has gone on a number of dates since I’ve known her. Men just fade away on her. They peter out and drift off like snowflakes in a high wind. Tell me what the hell this woman is missing? I mean, Hello! I don’t see anything wrong with this picture. If she sent you a pic like one of those up there, I know damn good and well, that you bloggers would have been twatting your fingers off about getting a boob shot. Wouldn’t you?

So, fill my comments with some luv, people. I wanna know why you think single, successful women with big boobs can’t find decent men. Are they all gay? Are they all chickenshit? Do they all want skinny, underfed, designer clothes wearing, air headed, calender girls? What is going on in the world today that a cute woman with a rack can’t find a relationship except with her vibrator?

Jen’s gonna kill me for pimpin’ her, but you know what? If someone can educate me regarding her – and other successful women in their 30’s – lack of male attention, then it will be worth it. Oh, and… *whispers in an aside* if you wanna talk to Jen, send me a twat or an email or YIM. I’ll set you up with her YIM. HEH. I’m just evil, aren’t I? But trust me on this, Jen sizzles. She is soooo not a prude! Okay, I better shut up now before I give her enough fuel to roast me with if she finds out I posted this. Shhhh. Don’t tell on me. She doesn’t read this blog.

Oh, yeah. She gives good presents too!

Now that my pimpin’ is done, I’m outtie. Have a great Friday, people! MUAH!