Hump This

Happy belated birthday to Jason X from the User Pool. Remind me to give you a link to my private naked Kelly Monaco slideshow! If you readers don’t know Jason, you need to check him out. His blog is very funny. The satire is incomparable! I shoulda known he was a Taurus…

Speaking of birthdays, Friday is Motley’s birthday. She has a fistful of Knotts Berry Farm tickets and no ride. Apparently, Motley’s bestie went to the doctor today. He told her she has anxiety and gave her drugs. Now she can’t go to Knotts for fear of getting too excited. Hmmph. There’s one kid who won’t be having sex anytime soon. Everyone stop by Socially Dead on Friday and help make Motley feel better about being 19 and not having a ride to Knotts. Hmmmn. Maybe Jason needs a day off from the User Pool and could go…

Alright, here’s something you can all sink your fangs into this Wednesday. Bite it, taste it, hump it until it’s wet and limp! THAT is Keeley Hazell. I wonder if I coulda gotten away with showing her boobage. Aw fuckit. Go here to see her tits.

If boobage ain’t your thang, I give you Nacho Figueras. Polo star extraordinaire. The face of Polo Black cologne. And now, the face of Mr. Fabulous, a darkly mysterious character in the Bar Story.

Mr. Fabulous has already had his entrance in the story, but it was fleeting. He comes to the Library, where the Blood Mistress reigns over the annals of the vampire world, and basically has her bowing and scraping and kicking out the other people in the Library. They get a glimpse of him and that’s it. The Blood Mistress’s first post features this mysterious Fabulous. He’s devious. He’s powerful. He’s handsome. He probably has a big dick too. Why else would he be so arrogant? Hee hee. His storyline is still in the works so there could be some major twists and turns ahead.

Before I sign off today, I want to talk hardcore with you. Yes. My 100th post is very close. And yes. I have noticed something about the comments on the 90+ posts thus far. One, you people like sex. If I post sex stuff from the Bar, you are all here slathering over it and drooling in the comments. Two, you people like freaky. If I post about cemetery stuff you are all fascinated in that rubber necking at a gruesome accident where a motorcyclist was decapitated on the freeway way. Lots of comments on the sex and the cemetery. Oooh. Now, that’s a catchy title!

I don’t know that you like hotness. You don’t comment on Wednesday hotness. So what’s wrong with this picture? You like sex. You like the cemetery. You don’t like the half naked celebs? I bet Dave didn’t even notice when I had Liz Hurley naked on here. I don’t think anyone did. Not that her tatas were hanging out anyway. It woulda been a MUCH better Humpday with naked Liz tits. Although, come to think of it, I do have naked Liz tits… Liz Phair. Maybe I will post those next week.

So what is it that you like? Sex? Freaky stuff? Freaky sex maybe? I’ll have to work on that last one. Not sure how to work it into this blog theme. If you like freaky sex you shoulda read my Pink Chair Diaries post. It was a little freaky and a lot hot. I’m not asking for comments. I’m just trying to get a handle on what you all like so I can accommodate you in the next 100 posts. After all, we can’t all be fucking Fabulous… although you know you want to.

See yas manana for a Half Nekkid Thursday and maybe even a Thursday Thirteen too!

TT the 13th

This Thursday Thirteen is about cemeteries again. This time it’s 13 random things about cemeteries, graves, related websites and tours, famous deaths, etc. Just a collection of odd bits that you might find fascinating or gruesome. My personal favorite: #1. I could spend hours touring that cemetery using the virtual tour!

1. Pere Lachaise Cemetery – This is one of the most famous cemeteries in Paris. Lots of famous people buried there including Jim Morrison. The thing I like about it, is that it has this virtual tour on it’s website… it’s just like walking through it but not as tiring. Awesome!

2. Batesville Casket Company is one of the largest casket companies in the world. It’s headquartered in Batesville, IN.

3. Here’s a video on how caskets are made:

4. Tyler Cassity of Hollywood Forever Cemetery is a pretty hot looking guy. His cemetery is really cool too. Lots of famous people buried there.

5. Ave Maria is a popular choice of music for funeral services. It’s typically sung in Latin by choirs. Here’s a version of the classical song done in English by the rock band Soundgarden.

6. Arlington National Cemetery in Virginia is the probably the most famous cemetery in the U.S. I’ve been there and it was a visit that was a stand out among the many places I’ve seen in this country. The Eternal Flame on JFK’s grave is strangely moving. Even more moving is the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. The sentinels are awe inspiring. If you’ve never heard the story of these sentinels, click this link and check it out. Also, the cemetery’s website has a page on the training the sentinels go through. It’s a really fascinating read.

7. The most famous of the English are buried, not in a cemetery, but at a church. The monarchs of England are buried at Westminster Abbey.

8. Looking for a famous grave? Check out Find A Grave. There’s a ton of info here. I can’t tell you if it is completely accurate though.

9. When you’re done looking for graves, head on over to Find A Death and check out all the “deliciously sordid” stories of the deaths of famous people.

10. Speaking of Find A Death , they have some pretty interesting (or gruesome depending upon your take on this stuff) “memorabilia”. Here’s a link to Diana, Princess of Wales’ death certificate. Doesn’t mean a whole lot unless you read French.

11. Here’s another site that has info on celebrity grave sites This guy calls himself the Grave Hunter.

12. Going back to Hollywood Forever Cemetery, here’s a link to their virtual tour of their celebrity graves.

13. With Memorial Day drawing near, I thought I’d end with this video and a poem that I love that is quite fitting with the vid.

In Flanders Fields

by Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, MD

(1872-1918) Canadian Army

In Flanders Fields the poppies blow

Between the crosses row on row,

That mark our place; and in the sky

The larks, still bravely singing, fly

Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago

We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,

Loved and were loved, and now we lie

In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:

To you from failing hands we throw

The torch; be yours to hold it high.

If ye break faith with us who die

We shall not sleep, though poppies grow

In Flanders fields.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Happy TT!

Thursday Thirteen the Seventh

Arrrgh! Susan over at West of Mars did a TT that juiced me up to do 13 Bar couples this week. I’d been feeling kinda meh about that topic and wrote up 13 things I know because I work at a cemetery. Now I can’t make up my mind! I’d do both, just cause I could, and because I’m a lamer who can’t choose. However, time constraints are forcing me to go with my ghoulish cemetery TT.

Thirteen Things I Know Because I Work at a Cemetery

1. The big oven used to do cremations is called a retort.

2. Cremains are not ash like in a fireplace. It’s more like fine sand. In fact, there are usually small bone fragments so everything that comes out of the retort is put in a grinder before it’s bagged and put in the urn.

3. I have felt warm cremains boxes before. They retain their heat for awhile, and when our crematory guy brings the boxes up to put in the vault, sometimes they are still warm to the touch.

4. When someone is embalmed, blood is drained from the body (usually via the carotid artery) and replaced with embalming fluid. The fluid is pinkish to help give the skin some color.

5. A Depository is a vault in the ground where they drop bags of cremains. It’s sort of a common grave for cremated remains. We have one that does not list whose cremains are within. We have two others with a granite slab where the names are engraved.

6. A lawn crypt is a grave with a cement vault set into it and at least 18 inches of sod on top. When you bury someone in a lawn crypt you peel off the sod, dig down the 2 feet to the top of the lawn crypt and then pry up the cement lid. In a companion lawn crypt, there’s another lid 6 feet down you have to remove in order to put the first casket in.

7. A cenotaph is a marker for someone who isn’t buried in the place where the marker is, or even in the cemetery. A lot of people buy these when their loved one has been cremated and scattered.

8. It’s illegal to scatter human cremains on private property unless you have the permission of the property owner.

9. When I visited the Orange County Coroner’s Office with our Mortuary Explorer’s Club, the sheriffs were selling chocolate toe tags to help raise funds for a related charity.

10. It takes a minimum of 2-3 hours to cremate a person.

11. Some cemeteries, like where I work, require that the family purchase a vault for the casket when burying in the ground. This keeps the grave from caving in.

12. There is a difference between a casket and a coffin. Coffins are no longer used in this country but other places still use them. Many of you who watch the news may have seen Benazir Bhutto’s coffin carried on the shoulders of her people after her assassination. Probably the biggest casket manufacturer is Batesville, located in Batesville, IN.

13. You can have the cremains of your loved one made into a diamond.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!
The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

For those of you who know that I have been on pins and needles awaiting this wonderful arrival… IT’S HERE! My giraffe purse arrived from Dooney! I’m so amazed by it, that I have yet to unwrap it from the plastic. I’ll be taking some pics for posting soon. Oh, and I have a naughty giraffe pic for Friday too. Heh heh. Wait until you see THAT! Happy TT!

Weird Crap Wednesday

I’m really tweaked that my zip disks are missing. I know, I know. You’re laughing your asses off at me over such old technology. I had a buttload of zip disks with photos on them, including these really nice high res images that a pro photog took of me and my former pal Dan aka “D”. The zip disk case is missing about 3 disks, including the disk with all the photos. That really upsets me because there were lots of photos there besides the cleavage shots. Photos that I can’t replace. I hate when stuff like this happens. I have a suspicion I know what happened to the disks (a man suffering from drug induced paranoia), but I’m really hoping it wasn’t him. I’m hoping the PITA and I can find them in this house somewhere. I don’t want to be mad at him…

Okay, enough being pissy and upset. I have some weird crap to share this Wednesday because it’s late and the time change has totally fucked me up, so I’m out of time to get this post up and catch a few Z’s so I can function tomorrow. No more playing hooky with a 100 fever like I have the past 2 days.

Weird Item Number 1: I am completely amazed that no one, but no one can find the guy in the Air France commercial. I’m posting the damned thing again, and reminding everyone that they can win a prize with fangs if they find the dude. I’ll let you pick a t-shirt or a clock or something from the Bar store if you can find the guy! Here’s that weird ass commercial. (Like I need to see it again. They played the fuck out of it at CNN for 3 lousy weeks! Grrr!) It’s so weird that no one can find him and give me a name.

Weird Item Number 2: My kid has the longest fingers ever and she’s got some long ass nails. REAL nails, not fake. Then she goes and buys this neon green polish. After her manicure, she sits in the car admiring her fingers and snaps a pic with her RAZR. She’s freaking weird. The nails are freaking weird. Okay, maybe they are a little cool, but c’mon. They’re still weird.

Weird Item Number 3: I found a picture I could have sworn I deleted. I mean, it’s not an attractive image. I was a little on the buzzed side, trying to take a pic of the reindeer horns that I was wearing on my head on Christmas Eve. First of all, how pathetic was that for a Christmas Eve? Second, I deleted the damn thing! I know I did! Why it is still in My Pictures is a mystery. Someone is fucking with me. I know it. And I don’t think that they are corporeal, although they must know how to use the recycle bin…

Weird Item Number 4: I was hunting for a nice dragon graphic awhile back when I was working on the Bar t-shirts. I found this cool purple graphic and I liked it so I saved it. Last week at work, the PITA changed her desktop picture and lo and behold, there is that purple dragon graphic. So I ask her if she’s been logging into my computer as me. She looks at me all weird and says, “No, I don’t have your password, remember?” Duh. She doesn’t. So I ask her, “Where the hell did that come from?” I point to the picture. She looks at me even weirder and says, “Deviant Art. It’s really cool.” The PITA and I downloaded the same pic like a week apart.

Weird Item Number 5: Gunther and the Sunshine Girls. Have you ever seen these videos? They are the funniest thing on YouTube. OMG, this dude is totally serious! Everyone I know laughs at him and there are a ton of parodies out. The best parody ever was the Christmas one where there were midgets dancing and a bunch of feminine men dressed as elves. This song is pretty funny if you listen to the lyrics. Oooh, you touch my tra la la! I can’t put the video on here. The Sunshine Girls are making out with each other wearing nothing but a sheet and you can see Gunther’s bare ass. It’s hysterical though, so if you’ve never seen this before, go check it out. But really, pee first so you don’t have an accident.

Now before I sign off, this is for Mary and all you other folks who love a hot body. Besides, I had to wipe away the image of Gunther somehow:

That’s it for me this Wednesday. Hope the weirdness didn’t scare you off! LOL Tomorrow for my Thursday Thirteen, I was gonna do 13 couples from the Bar, but I dunno now. I want something more fun. I’ll have to think on it while I’m at the cemetery…