Coming Down

It’s 4 am and I’m up because I’m coming down. People who live with long term illnesses like asthma or diabetes often live on medication for the majority of their lives. It’s rare that they aren’t on anything at all. And when they’ve been on drugs for a long time and are taken off of them, weird things can happen to your body. Last week I was taken off all my asthma meds and given five days of prednisone. Steriods. Each pill is a smaller dose than the one before it so your body is weaned off of them. However, that first day with nothing leaves me with a very unhappy body.

Now, I fully understand withdrawals. Anyone who knows me knows that I live with a recovering addict. I’ve seen a lot of things related to drug use in my thirteen years with him, most notably withdrawals. And I’ve been on steriods before so I know coming down from them can sometimes leave me feeling really sick. Every time that I’ve been sick on coming down has been because I was taken off of all my asthma meds. Coming down from steriods when I was still on my other meds wasn’t too bad. Some nausea and headachiness and that’s about it. Coming down from steriods when I’ve been taken off of everything leaves me spinning.

So I’m sitting here at the moment because the pounding thunder of my head woke me. When I sat up in bed, I felt the nausea hit me. I know the sweats aren’t far behind. And I don’t know which is worse, the nausea or throwing up, which is what happened to me the last time I was in this situation.

I’m going to get a bottle of water and start the hydration process which does help flush everything out of my body. And I’ll have Rott get me ginger ale for the nausea. I’m reluctant to take anything for the headache and thus far it’s painful but not unbearable so I’ll forgo the Tylenol until I can’t take it any longer. The longer I hold out, the better off I’ll be, I know from experience.

I half expected this to happen because I’ve done this before, but I wasn’t sure how menopause would affect withdrawals. My body reacts oddly to some things now. Apparently though, this one thing hasn’t changed, which leaves me with a single observation. Coming down sucks major ass.

Anyway, I’m off to hydrate. My eyes hurt looking at the monitor anyway. I’ll leave you with a yummy Marcus as I usually do. This is another retro Marcus that I posted some years back.

That photo should help my Monday feel a little better, drug withdrawals or not! LOL Happy Monday people!

Really Bad

I’m writing this Sunday night because I have to get up at 5 am to get ready to take Nikki to school. Sometimes I don’t have the time to deal with the blog while I’m on this schedule.

Anyway, I’m really bad. I can’t breathe. I feel like I’m suffocating. My chest burns and my inhalers are not helping.

Why? you ask.

The answer is simple. Because people are selfish. Actually, smokers are selfish.

The stupid tubes of tobacco have been proven bad for people yet there are those who still light them up.  They don’t care if it kills them. They also don’t care if it kills me.

As an asthmatic I’ve learned that every breath is precious. Yet here I sit, lightheaded from lack of oxygen, my meds working OT but doing nothing. All because there is a smoker at the front of my house and others outside my window and all the air I breathe is polluted with their selfishness.

I live in an old condo. It doesn’t have central air. It has an ancient wall unit in the dining room at the floor level. Two summers ago the painters painted over the outside of it when they painted the building and it’s never worked the same since. The condo sits over the building’s two garages. The dryers for all four condos in the building vent INSIDE the garage. And the Asian family in the condo next to mine do laundry 24/7.

In the summer, the heat in my house is impossible. I must have fans on and the windows open. My neighbors have been moving all weekend, standing beneath my bedroom window to smoke their cigs. Rott has been pissed off all weekend so he’s not gone completely outside to smoke. He’s standing (or sitting) at the open front door. And even if he did go outside on the front balcony, the way the fans and the wind around here works, it would still get sucked back to my bedroom where I work.

The result is that I’m seriously fucked when it comes to being able to breathe.  I just want to run away to someplace where there is untainted air. Where my every breath doesn’t feel strangled in my lungs. The frustration and the fear is overwhelming. Can you imagine how you would feel if you had a pillow on your face all day? That is me trying to breathe while being surrounded by smokers.

Nikki will be checking on me to ensure I don’t have any issues once I pass out, er go to sleep. Hopefully, it will get better now that the neighbors seem to be done for the night. They’re a selfish lot on a lot of levels, but you prolly remember the parking wars post. Oy.

Anyway, here’s a Marcus for today and then I have some exciting news about Tuesday!

Oh, he is so yummeh. *sigh*

Anyway, tomorrow there will be a special Sunlight Sucks post! Authors Mandy M. Roth and Michelle M. Pillow will be here talking about vampires and their books.  I hope you will stop by and show them some comment love.

Wishing you a breath of fresh air Monday!


This is a goulash post today, a little bit of everything.  My brain is a little too fried to actually come up with a topic to discuss or yak about so I figured I’d just let it wander from topic to topic as I ramble on.


Okay, so I got tagged for this Bald Face Liar game. Originally, when I first saw this meme on a few blogs, I laughed because a couple of the authors who were playing really are bald faced liars so I found it rather ironic. I never did do memes well and I prefer the truth even with regard to games so I doubt I’ll play.  My friend Lisa is playing though, so if you want to see how it works click on her name and check it out.


I had lunch on Saturday with an author! A real live totally awesome author! Z.A. Maxfield and I held down a corner booth at Claim Jumper for three hours and talked about everything.  I can’t believe how much fun it was. I can’t believe I hadn’t come out of my dark cave sooner to meet her. But now that I have, we have plans. First, we plan on doing this monthly. Second, we plan on descending on the Orange County chapter of the Romance Writer’s of America to see how two authors of M/M romantic fiction can stir things up.


Speaking of RWA, since Pink Petal Books is now allowed in, I’m going to join RWA and submit my PAN application since I do happen to fit the criteria of the elite group who made a thousand bucks in royalties in a year (I think I did it in about 6 months which is amazing from a little pub) on a single title. Fire Season is the book that did it so I might as well show off the fact that it’s a bestseller. I’ll probably join the Rainbow (GLBT) and Passionate Ink (erotic) chapters too. I need to check out the OC chapter before I join. It seemed kind boring but ya never know. ZAM and I will give them a look over and see if it’s worth belonging to.


I’m knitting together all the scenes for Common Ground. I’m very close to finishing this. I just have a bare handful of scenes to complete with a little weaving and it will done. Won’t be as long as Ride the Lightning or Fire Season, which were both closer to 60K. This one will be under 50K. But it’s the introduction to the werewolves so the dragons have very little face time. However, it lays the ground work for two other stories in the series. One is Sunstroked which is the book that follows this one and is about Colin’s very happy assistant Corey. (Who isn’t very happy in the beginning of the book.) The second is Thunder and Myth which is the story of how Diandra Antaeus left her family for Ruan McCallan and what happens years later when Ruan manages to push even Di away. Look for Common Ground in July and Sunstroked in the fall.

The Bar

It’s buh bye to something very dear to my heart. By the end of this week the Bar will be gone. With big gaping holes in the story from posts deleted by writers who left, it wasn’t worth keeping up. A couple of the other writers are copying their posts to save and once they are done this week, I’m taking the site down and deleting the domain. It’s like the end of an era and it’s a little heartbreaking for me.


Rott and I had a scare over the weekend. His mom had a bout of severe confusion so his step-dad took her to the hospital where they kept her overnight and did an MRI and some other tests. They let her go home the next day and I guess we’ll eventually find out what the tests have to say. It really shook Rott up though.


Yes, Stone Temple Pilots have a new CD that is out tomorrow! Rott and I are stoked. We’ve already ordered a copy. We’ve debated going to see them when they come around and I don’t mind watching Weiland bounce around the stage totally high off his ass but for some reason Rott seems to have some reservations about that. Neither of us have looked up dates yet so there’s a good chance we may not even have the opportunity to see them. The other CD we’re early awaiting is the new Nevermore which is out in June.


I got a pedicure on Friday and I could have cried. It felt soooo good! I’ve neglected to do this for myself for a year and now I’m so sorry that I did. It was relaxing and my feet feel great. I need to give myself that pampering every two weeks and stop being such a pissant about it taking away my writing time. I can use the time to read on my Nookie and reading always rejuvenates a writer so I just don’t have any excuses except that I’m a lazy so and so.


The Bar may be gone but I will never give up my Marcus!


I’m having a bad patch with my asthma. It happens once in awhile. The least little exertion has me gasping for air. It sucks eggs in a major way. Unfortunately, it’s one of those times where my meds just don’t do jack. It always seems to occur a couple of times a year…getting so bad that nothing works and all I can do is stay indoors as much as possible and not have to walk more than a few feet at a time and not carry or lift anything heavier than my purse. It will ease up. It always does. I’m just miserable until it does though.

Memorial Day

I have to work. We always work on Memorial Day because there’s a big event at the cemetery. Actually, I’ll be inside doing the deposit for my friend Liz who normally does them. She’s on golf cart duty this year ferrying the handicapped visitors to the event. Since it’s month end and we can’t afford a lost day, I get to stay out of the sun and count money. It’s really quiet inside the building on Memorial Day. Even quieter than it is on a weekend. But usually, that means I’ll get done quicker. 🙂 And we sometimes get lunch too. Chicken or hot dogs. Nothing special but free food is always nice.

I’m going to stop rambling now and toddle off to work. You all have a great Monday!

Not Never

Better late than never, eh? I had a problem with my eye yesterday so I didn’t get Humpday Hotties up on time. By the time I could see out of the eye, I needed to go to work. Basically, I have a condition where my eyeball swells. It’s related to my asthma. To make the swelling go down, I have to use steriod drops. They suck. The condition is painful. And it recurs. Probably was brought on by stress yesterday.

Anyway, I have a cold glass of moo juice and hot chocolate chip cookies and some hotties I didn’t get to post yesterday. First up is the beautiful Rafael Verga, the bisexual brother to last week’s hotness. Click HERE to see what Rafe shares equally with the sexes.

For those who like ladies, I have my favorite female, Kelly Monaco, whom you can view nekkid HERE.

Yowza! This was so hot it was too much for a Wednesday. (I said it before Gooster Twittered it. Hee hee.) Tomorrow is Commando Friday so please visit the Commando in Chief, Dave from Blogography, as well as his most excellent Second in Commando, Gooster of Just a Dude Talking About Life. I still have some contest info coming and uh… I think my publisher may take more of my dragon series. Woo hoo! And one last thing, the story I’m working on now features Karl with a K, the snarky elf, and Vahid, the black dragon. You too could be a support character if you think you’re worthy!

Happy Thursday!

No Roses

It seems like a day doesn’t go by that something doesn’t happen to make me fear my mortality. I’m sure one of the reasons I write about immortals is that I’m quite afraid of dying. Today, I got to work and discovered my co-worker’s husband had died in his sleep on Saturday. This is the second of my co-workers to lose a husband. It’s shocking. And heartbreaking.

With my mortality feeling very fresh and raw, I managed to get through the day. However, while others might feel that making sure someone has their “power of blog” is part of making arrangements, I know that’s not at all at the top of my list. I worry about Motley. I mean, the kid is already struggling. If something happens to me, she has no one. No parents. No grandparents. No family. I’m horribly afraid of what will happen to her if something happens to me.

I can’t even leave her much. 15K in an insurance policy from my work. That’s it. I own my car and some household appliances. Motley wouldn’t be able to stay in the condo we live in. She couldn’t pay for it, even if she had a roommate. This situation totally freaks me out.

I told her not to spend anything on me. If I’m still working for the cemetery, they will pay for everything except things like a burial permit, death certificates, and an alternative container to cremate me in. The only thing I wanted her to spend on was a nice urn that doubles as a jewelry box to keep me in. It should cost very little of the 15K to dispose of me. And I want it that way. She will need that money.

Fear drives a lot of the things I do. When I yell at her to clean up and stuff, I’m not just being pissy because there’s trash to go out and dust and dirt. As an asthmatic who can’t afford her meds because the co-pays are too much, my life often feels very fragile, especially when dirt and dust affect my breathing. All it would take is a virus or a bad asthma attack and Motley would be an orphan. And that totally scares me. Not for me so much, but for her.

Over the weekend, ShinyBitch went to CrueFest. She discovered Papa Roach. Rott and I have been fans for awhile, since the first CD. For my Tuesday Tune, I thought I’d play some Papa Roach. Since my theme today has been a sad one, I chose Roses On My Grave. I’m not going to be buried so there is no need for roses for me.

Papa Roach-Roses On My Grave

Go hug the people who matter to you today. You never know what you may wake up to. Or who may be gone when you open your eyes.