Thirteen Quotes From The Bar Story
It’s Thursday Thirteen the Third! (Say that 3 times fast. HEH.) This week I’ve got 13 amusing quotes from The Bar, a serial story that I, and seven other writers, participate in. All of these quotes were written by me. Maybe another time I will do funny one liners by the other writers. Truthfully, the other writers are funnier than I am, especially Mary. I actually had a hard time finding 13 pieces that I thought were amusing. I guess I’m not that funny. LOL So here they are, 13 quotes from The Bar Story! Enjoy!
1. The vampire looked at me with steel blue eyes that were keenly intelligent, despite the fact that he was probably three sheets to the wind. “I’m Lucius Kohl,” he said, grimacing at his full hands.
I grinned and showed him my own full hands. We’d have to forgo the shaking hands shit. “Matt Havens,” I replied easily. “I’m a childhood friend of Rosalie’s come to keep her company while Collin is out.”
Lucius grunted, his hungry gaze on the Kentucky Fried Chicken bucket. “Damn. How come I don’t have friends who bring me food? All my friends come my house to eat.”
2. While they were getting their toes done, a sleepy Johann came in. “What the fuck?” he muttered groggily, taking in the spa atmosphere.
Sascha grinned at him. “Want a manicure Joh?” she teased.
“Yeah, like I want cancer,” he grumbled.
3. “I mean that, as of this moment, I don’t think I’m the Calvin Klein underwear guy anymore. I’m back to being Mattias Alain Erodonius Havenstoll Angouleme du Mordain.”
Emmy blinked at him for a moment, stunned. Then she grinned. “I don’t think that will fit very well on my mailbox, Matt.”
4. “Shut up, Lisp,” Dante growled. “This is important.”
“Fuck you, Dante. I told you never to call me that again. I can speak the King’s English perfectly,” Lilith said in a haughty tone.
Dante started to laugh. “Yeah, when you’re sober. When you’re drunk, you lisp. My name ith Lilith,” she mocked. “Lilith the Lithp.”
5. I opened my mouth and he stuck a tongue depressor in it. I fought the urge to gag. Suddenly, Alaric’s thoughts invaded my head. You’re gagging over a tongue depressor when you’ve easily slurped down my whole…
Arggh! Out of my head Alaric! The doctor is examining me! I can’t be thinking of your dick right now.
6. Valerian shook his head. “I’m dreaming aren’t I?”
Nyx laughed and stroked the back of his head. “I don’t think so, Shadow. Are we going to bed now?”
He shook his head again. “Where do you want it?”
Nyx knew exactly what he was referring to. “Where do you want to put it?”
“Your forehead,” he replied instantly, and after a quick second of shock on her part, Nyx burst out laughing.
“Thereby keeping every male away from me because your mate mark is branded on my face in plain sight,” she grinned. “You’re a devil.”
7. Lorenzo leaned over the table toward Althea. “You mean it’s not my handsome face and scintillating personality that has your panties wet?” he asked in a low voice that reeked of sex.
Althea’s mouth curved up as she murmured, “Well, that too.” She cocked up an eyebrow at him. “I think it was really the little boy lost air about you that drew me. I wanted to rescue you and feed you milk and cookies.”
Lorenzo’s eyes gleamed. “Milk and cookies?” He gestured toward her breasts and the juncture of her thighs. “Is that what they call it in England these days?”
8. “How many times have we done it in the shower?” Matt asked Emmy, as he slipped a hand between her thighs.
Her eyes glowed with desire. “Not enough.” She pulled his head down and kissed him.
Good answer, Matt thought smugly.
9. “You’d be a lot more attractive with your mouth sealed shut,” Johann goaded snidely, his blue eyes furious.
“I’m sure you find the duct tape look sooo attractive,” Lex scoffed in an acid voice.
10. “I can hear those lascivious thoughts you know,” she teased, as she slid out of bed and reached for a short green silk robe.
“I know.” Matt sat up, watching her belt the robe. “Doesn’t hurt for you to know what you do to me.”
She grinned and tossed back her long dark hair. “I turn you into a perv? I would think there’s something in your genes that causes it, not me.”
“There is something in my jeans that causes me to think sexual thoughts about you.” Matt shoved back the covers and let her stare at his raging erection. “Well, it’s not in my jeans at the moment, and if I tried to put it in my jeans in this state, it would protest.”
11. The vampire deity smiled at them. “Alexandria? I was touched by how you overcame your fears about money and spent ten thousand dollars on an oversized giraffe as a gesture of love for Alaric. It was beautiful…”
I gasped in shock. I recalled telling the concierge to get the biggest giraffe at FAO Schwarz… but ten thousand dollars? He’d bought a ten thousand dollar giraffe for Alaric? Oh, hell. My credit card was maxed out now…
12. Dominic checked Carlisle’s fingers and pronounced her hand fine. “No more hitting people. Okay, Car?” he said with a grimace. “Mary’s a friend. In fact, I’ll have to take you over there sometime soon. The two of you will probably get along like a house on fire.”
“Or set fire to the house with their fighting,” Stein muttered sarcastically under his breath.
13. “Skinny dipping always leads to seduction,” Nyx grinned, walking to the door.
“For you, maybe. For me it leads to sand in my butt,” Ainsley grumbled wickedly.