I’m a little burned out this Friday. Way too much shit coming down in different areas of my life. I seriously need to use up some of those vacation hours that I keep stockpiling. So, in the freakshow that is my life, I first give you a story about my kid and a penis. Oh, wait. Heh. Here’s the real intro:

I’m guest blogging at Bluepaintred! (I’m not w00ting out of deference to Karl, who says w00t is not a word. Of course, it’s not, Karl. It’s a sound. Like MEH.)

Next, I have for you the Slogan thing that Dave did. Mine, in keeping with the theme of my life, was… freaky.

Your Slogan Should Be

Winter; What You’d Eat if You Lived on Mars

Next up is something I cannot even articulate. It pisses me off and raises my blood pressure. I’m sure you will find this amusing. I look at it and want to strangle my teenager.

Another thing in the freakshow of my life is that my damned back still hurts. In fact, I’m starting to feel like my left hip is out of whack. Then I remember falling out of the shower onto that hip about 4 years ago. I have a keloid on the hip now from that fall. But it really feels out of whack. Oh, and the doctor I loved so much… came back to work after having a baby and dismissed me. ME! I have no doctor now. My asthma and I feel like crying. I mean, her name was American. She spoke English without an accent. She had a surfboard on the wall of her office. I feel abandoned.

I’m depressed. I want to spend money I don’t have. And everyone’s blog made me smile tonight. Except Jason X’s. I actually laughed at his. Okay, maybe I chuckled at Diesel’s soda badger. But nothing has made me really really laugh since Fab posted the mummy with the caption I Can Has Moisturizer? And even freakier than that, this is my favorite LOL:

Last night, I gave Jester 3/4’s of my hotties. What was I thinking? Now, we’ll be posting the same guys! Okay, I saved some good ones for myself. After all, I love them more than he does. I think. Shit. I think I got the pics off some gay guy’s site. So maybe Jester does love hotties more than me. All gay men seem to have the best hotties on their sites. But do they have… Ian Somerhalder? I think not! HA!

And speaking of hotties, Hilly’s car just might get supplanted in my heart. Turnbaby’s car is THUD. Oh, how I love the smell of octane in the morning… Injected engines full throttle on a long stretch of open highway. Just not the one where James Dean died. I’ve seen the weird ass monument to him out there in the middle of nothing. It’s a piece of silver metal wrapped around a tree. It’s insulting if you think about how he died.

Freaky might be my life at the moment, but if you haven’t seen Matt’s Pope hat, check it out. He was way hotter than Benny and I spent more time on his site this morning than I did watching Benny’s mass. And if the Pope hat is too reverent for you, best go look at Hellohahanarf’s first Half Nekkid Thursday. I have never seen a woman so happy to hold her feet in the air when the camera was rolling. I know it’s not her most recent blog post, but shit. All of her posts are worth reading and this one is worth ogling. Heh.

I think there was something else I was gonna talk about in this freakshow that is my life, but I can’t remember what it is. So you will just have to live with this fucked up post. How bad can it be anyway? It doesn’t have a fake naked Hermione or Harry Potter’s real foreskin. No one but Avitable could post that anyway. I don’t eat or drink when I visit his site. I’d go broke replacing monitors if I did. Wait. I already am broke.

Now, that I’ve pimped and ass kissed my way through a freakshow of a Friday post, here’s a song for you since I didn’t have one this past Tuesday. I wonder if you will get the irony of it… Oh, and BTW, if I didn’t pimp you out today, remind me that I owe you a toe licking or something if we ever meet.

Okay, I’m outta here. I’m going to bed with Anderson Cooper. Hopefully, I’ll get to sleep before Lou Dobbs comes on. He’s not nearly as good a bed partner as Anderson. Happy Freakshow Friday peoples!