Rott and I watched the Hangover last night. We’d seen it before, but it’s funny and we needed a mindless laugh. The movie did make me think about memory and all the stuff that’s in our heads. When I speak with someone I’ve known for years and they bring up something from our collective pasts, I’ve noticed that sometimes I don’t remember the event right away. The other person has to say, “Oh, but don’t you remember that we did this…” Then they give some details and the memory comes crashing back to me. I find this happening more and more.
On my depressed days, I think “Shit! You’ve got Alzheimer’s!” Most days, I tend to think it’s that my head is like a filing cabinet. There are only so many papers it will hold for easy access and some papers have to be filed in some other storage place, to be taken out only when prompted. It’s a good analogy for my memory. I remember stuff but sometimes only when prompted.
Then I wonder if all the stories I think up to write, the plots and characters, aren’t filling up those top drawers of the filing cabinet in my brain and relegating things I really should remember to the lower levels or the other storage. If I spend so much time working on these worlds so that I can remember all their details is it messing with my memory?
And seriously, some of the minutia of my past feels like it’s completely gone, like those guys in the Hangover. I have some blank spots and I think “What the hell was I doing in 1983?” It’s not like I have huge blank spots but I realize that elementary school isn’t going to remain bright and clear in my memory no matter how many photos I look at. It was just too long ago and my brain back then wasn’t as sharp. Kids remember stuff weird anyway. It’s one of those things where you swear you wore a pink dress with roses on it and full skirt at your oldest brother’s wedding only to have your mom look at you strangely and show you a photo of yourself in a pink and white Empire gown with a narrow skirt. Your brain remembered the dress the twelve year old you wanted not the one you ended up with.
The mind is a freaky thing. I don’t think I can make my memory better. It’s probably just going to get foggier the older I get and memories are going to disappear because they aren’t taken out a regular basis. And because they just aren’t important things to remember anymore. So at some point I’ll be like those Hangover guys and someone will talk about all the fun we had at some event 30 years ago and I’m just gonna draw a huge blank. Hopefully, the other person won’t think I’ve lost my mind, but will understand that it’s just over full.
I’ve got a nice Marcus for this gloomy Monday. I need a little something to brighten the fact that it’s Monday. Funny how I hate going to work, but I love being at work. I would actually prolly love it a million times more if I could go in a couple hours later, leave a couple hours earlier and wear my pajamas or at the very least my sweats there. But then, everyone has that wish don’t they? LOL I also envy men being able to go shirtless when it’s hot.
Ah, a man in a skirt. How hot is that? At least he has a great body to pull it off. And you can spend all day wondering what’s underneath it…
Wishing you all a great Monday!