Himself Didn’t Work

Remember when people were retweeting Neil Gaiman’s call for people to help me find homes for the kittehs? Remember how so many people emailed and said they would take them? Do you know how many of those people actually did what they said they would do? None of them. Well, one person who said she would take one, ended up not being able to, but yanno… she found someone else who would. An author from Lyrical Press came and adopted the only female.

So all of that frenzy was pretty much for naught and makes me wonder if those people just said those things thinking the great Neilhimself would notice them. I’m still left with my life falling apart and pain in indescribable places and the babies still need homes. Oh, they are fixed and have had shots now though.

Nicki’s cat Neko will not be coming home from the foster care home because the vet discovered she has a heart condition that will require expensive medication and treatment. I can’t afford that. I don’t even have a car that works at the moment and I have DH who is looking for a way to not live with or be with me anymore.

I have an ad on Craigslist in the hope that the smallest of the babies will all find homes. I’m afraid to give them all up because then the DH will still leave and I will have nothing. Having nothing to look forward to is a very desolate feeling. I’m pathetic enough to wish to work things out with him. When he says he cannot live like this and he’s going to leave because of it, I just want to throw up and pains begin in various parts of my body. I’ve swallowed some Tylenols so hopefully the physical pains will dull soon.

As for my heart… I think it’s done. Three times I let a man have it and two times it’s been tossed back. Third time doesn’t look like it’s a charm. I really think he’s just gonna stomp all over it and walk away as if the last ten years was ten minutes. When people stop talking to you and tell you they don’t want to talk about it, that’s a pretty significant thing.

So aside from being an emotional zombie who doesn’t know how to do anything except sit and let the hot tears wash down her face, I still need homes for some of the babies. Last time the mobilization got me all jacked up on hope and got one kitten a home. Can it be done again? This time to save my sanity or my life (since my blood pressure is about as high as strokesville.) You tell me.

Am I wasting my breath again? Maybe I should just open the door and push them all out… cats, the DH, the lazy kid. Or maybe I should just quietly get the car fixed, toss some stuff in the trunk, pick up my netbook and walk away from all of them. That seems really irresponsible of me. I’m not usually the type you can’t rely on to see things through, but I’m tired of the lip service from everyone starting with my daughter, the man I’ve been with for ten years, and all those people on here who promised to help me but couldn’t be bothered to return an email. Am I the only person out here with ethics and a heart? Is that why everyone stomps on me? Is that why I feel so miserable that I’m gonna have to run to the sink and yak as soon as I post this?

For years I’ve been responsible for others. I’m still responsible for them, sacrificing for them. And I don’t feel appreciated in the least. Now, I’ve strangers treating me the same way with their empty promises of assistance. Am I wrong to want someone to be straight up with me and just help me without asking for or expecting anything in return or reneging? And those people I would like something from – my kid, my DH – why is it that they care only for their own feelings and nothing for mine? Am I just something they use like a utensil or a car? I’m convenient and acquiescent I guess. Perfect for giving lip service to.

If you know someone who could help find the kittehs homes, please repost and retweet the Craigslist link. I really do need homes for them before they end up in the street. I have a feeling that is where I am headed here soon because I just do not see a HEA up ahead.

wintersig

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26 Responses to Himself Didn’t Work

  1. you are a good woman, my dear winter. hugs and all the best to you.

    for what it is worth, i agree with hilly. if he is looking for any reason to leave, let him.
    .-= hello haha narf´s last blog ..Capes of Awesome =-.

  2. you are a good woman, my dear winter. hugs and all the best to you.

    for what it is worth, i agree with hilly. if he is looking for any reason to leave, let him.
    .-= hello haha narf´s last blog ..Capes of Awesome =-.

  3. martymankins says:

    So sorry to hear about all that you are going through with having to give up your kitties and then to have to deal with another loss (after you spent time, energy, feelings and emotions). I’m sending as many good vibes your way that I can. Even though I’ve never met you in person, we’ve connected enough online and through writings that I feel I have a great friend in life. *smiles*
    .-= martymankins´s last blog ..The Days Just Slip Away =-.

  4. martymankins says:

    So sorry to hear about all that you are going through with having to give up your kitties and then to have to deal with another loss (after you spent time, energy, feelings and emotions). I’m sending as many good vibes your way that I can. Even though I’ve never met you in person, we’ve connected enough online and through writings that I feel I have a great friend in life. *smiles*
    .-= martymankins´s last blog ..The Days Just Slip Away =-.

  5. Winter says:

    Vix – I know you’re there. I know. πŸ™‚

    Mary – Loves yas. Smoochies and hugs right back atcha.

  6. Winter says:

    Vix – I know you’re there. I know. πŸ™‚

    Mary – Loves yas. Smoochies and hugs right back atcha.

  7. maryo says:

    Win I wish I could help but my connections are small & not worth crap out there.
    I send my best wishes to you with alot of hugs from my 3 kids that luv ya too. Hey you wanna leave you always got a place by me. I’ll help put ya up for a little & do everything I can to help.
    If I could afford it i’d come out there & bust some heads for ya. I know there plenty that think physical violence does not help but it sure makes ya feel better.
    Hugs & Kisses from us to you Auntie Winter

  8. maryo says:

    Win I wish I could help but my connections are small & not worth crap out there.
    I send my best wishes to you with alot of hugs from my 3 kids that luv ya too. Hey you wanna leave you always got a place by me. I’ll help put ya up for a little & do everything I can to help.
    If I could afford it i’d come out there & bust some heads for ya. I know there plenty that think physical violence does not help but it sure makes ya feel better.
    Hugs & Kisses from us to you Auntie Winter

  9. Vixen says:

    I love you and I am so sorry that people are (and have) treated you so badly, both at home and those damned unethical strangers.

    I wish I could take a kitty from you. I know its not too far to drive, but I can’t figure out how to feed ourselves and our existing animals right now, so it would be a bad move to bring in another hungry mouth.

    I know I don’t comment often enough, but you know I am still here, right?
    .-= Vixen´s last blog ..Some people only dream of Angels, we held one in our arms =-.

  10. Vixen says:

    I love you and I am so sorry that people are (and have) treated you so badly, both at home and those damned unethical strangers.

    I wish I could take a kitty from you. I know its not too far to drive, but I can’t figure out how to feed ourselves and our existing animals right now, so it would be a bad move to bring in another hungry mouth.

    I know I don’t comment often enough, but you know I am still here, right?
    .-= Vixen´s last blog ..Some people only dream of Angels, we held one in our arms =-.

  11. Winter says:

    Mary, Mistry, & Nat – Thanks. πŸ™‚

    Susan – We must talk. I miss that.

    Dee – You’re a rock. I always know where to go to get a hug or a swift kick in the ass.

    Hilly – Not off the wall at all. I was thinking the same thing. But some of them do need a home. There is not enough of me (*snort*) to go around for all the affection they require.

    Dave – It’s so disappointing when people are so adamant they will help and it turns out they were only saying it while they thought their hero was looking. Every time I get a glimmer of hope for the human race crap like this happens and I can see why people think the end of world is upon us. Ethics are a dying thing in this world.

  12. Winter says:

    Mary, Mistry, & Nat – Thanks. πŸ™‚

    Susan – We must talk. I miss that.

    Dee – You’re a rock. I always know where to go to get a hug or a swift kick in the ass.

    Hilly – Not off the wall at all. I was thinking the same thing. But some of them do need a home. There is not enough of me (*snort*) to go around for all the affection they require.

    Dave – It’s so disappointing when people are so adamant they will help and it turns out they were only saying it while they thought their hero was looking. Every time I get a glimmer of hope for the human race crap like this happens and I can see why people think the end of world is upon us. Ethics are a dying thing in this world.

  13. Dave2 says:

    Sorry to hear that things fell through with the kitties. Hopefully somebody reliable who is able to help will step up soon. πŸ™
    .-= Dave2´s last blog ..Whoring =-.

  14. Dave2 says:

    Sorry to hear that things fell through with the kitties. Hopefully somebody reliable who is able to help will step up soon. πŸ™
    .-= Dave2´s last blog ..Whoring =-.

  15. Hilly says:

    Hey, this is going to be sort of an off the wall comment from the others but hi, it’s me.

    If you don’t think he’s going to stick around anyway? If that is your gut instinct? Don’t get rid of your babies at all.

    Just my two cents, sweetie.
    .-= Hilly´s last blog ..Snackie Sunday: Transfixed By The Inner Sound… =-.

  16. Hilly says:

    Hey, this is going to be sort of an off the wall comment from the others but hi, it’s me.

    If you don’t think he’s going to stick around anyway? If that is your gut instinct? Don’t get rid of your babies at all.

    Just my two cents, sweetie.
    .-= Hilly´s last blog ..Snackie Sunday: Transfixed By The Inner Sound… =-.

  17. Nat says:

    I’m not sure what to say here… hugs and a lot of support.
    .-= Nat´s last blog ..Since you been gone… =-.

  18. Nat says:

    I’m not sure what to say here… hugs and a lot of support.
    .-= Nat´s last blog ..Since you been gone… =-.

  19. Dee Carney says:

    Aww Lex. I’m on the opposite side of the States from you and my own DH would kill me if I bring home yet another animal. I’m so sorry for all that you’re going through. {{{HUGS}}}
    .-= Dee Carney´s last blog ..Battle of the Wolves =-.

  20. Dee Carney says:

    Aww Lex. I’m on the opposite side of the States from you and my own DH would kill me if I bring home yet another animal. I’m so sorry for all that you’re going through. {{{HUGS}}}
    .-= Dee Carney´s last blog ..Battle of the Wolves =-.

  21. You know I’d take a pair if I could, but it’s not practical right now. Plus there’s the issue of getting the cats to West of Mars…

    As for the being stomped on and treated horribly, well, I’m having that going on, myself, right now. I tried to stand up for what was right and was told to get lost (breaking a promise made last year). It hurts. It makes no sense. But that’s how it is. At least you and I are in good company — check out Lauren Dane’s tale of the Little Yellow Corvette.

  22. You know I’d take a pair if I could, but it’s not practical right now. Plus there’s the issue of getting the cats to West of Mars…

    As for the being stomped on and treated horribly, well, I’m having that going on, myself, right now. I tried to stand up for what was right and was told to get lost (breaking a promise made last year). It hurts. It makes no sense. But that’s how it is. At least you and I are in good company — check out Lauren Dane’s tale of the Little Yellow Corvette.

  23. mistry89 says:

    Oh Lex … I’m so sorry. You remain pretty relentlessly upbeat despite all this and I wish I could help. If Good Thoughts and Best Wishes and Special Cuddles count, you have them – as many as you want or need.
    I know there is a threshold (I’m not saying last straw, because that is a horrid image) where things move from “handlable” to “too much” and I’m hoping that something in the pile eases off so you can get some respite and re-gather yourself for the others.

    *hugs* from way down at the bottom of the world.

  24. mistry89 says:

    Oh Lex … I’m so sorry. You remain pretty relentlessly upbeat despite all this and I wish I could help. If Good Thoughts and Best Wishes and Special Cuddles count, you have them – as many as you want or need.
    I know there is a threshold (I’m not saying last straw, because that is a horrid image) where things move from “handlable” to “too much” and I’m hoping that something in the pile eases off so you can get some respite and re-gather yourself for the others.

    *hugs* from way down at the bottom of the world.

  25. Mary says:

    *HUGS* I am so sorry. I wish there were something I could do, but flying a baby out here to adopt would not be good for my pocket book or the current resident furkitties. *HUGS* If there’s anything I can do, please let me know, ‘kay?

  26. Mary says:

    *HUGS* I am so sorry. I wish there were something I could do, but flying a baby out here to adopt would not be good for my pocket book or the current resident furkitties. *HUGS* If there’s anything I can do, please let me know, ‘kay?