Weighing In

Judging and being judgmental are things we all do no matter how much we say we are not like that. We all make judgments based on the things we know, our personal experiences, and more. Sure, we can all say that we shouldn’t judge each other, yet we all do.

“Did you see her new hair color? It’s just not appropriate for a woman her age!”

Simple little gossipy statements like that may not mean anything to you and your friends as you whisper them over the lunch table, but they are a judgment. I’m not gonna tell you I don’t do stuff like that because just like 100% of the rest of this world, at times I do. Sure, maybe it’s only about the color of Lindsay Lohan’s panties that she’s flashing to the world this week and it’s not gonna hurt her if I think hot pink thongs look like shit on her… it’s still a judgment.

A friend of mine who had been the a victim of a crime was treated rather cruelly and unfairly the other day. The person who treated him that way? Someone who had been the victim of the same crime. However, this person played the judgment game. They weighed what they knew of the crime perpetrated against them against what they thought had occurred to my friend, and they sat in judgment, deeming themselves to be a bigger victim than him. They basically told him that it didn’t matter what had happened to him because what had happened to them was so much worse.

I have to admit to being rather shocked when I discovered this. How can you negate the feelings of another like that? How can you sit in judgment on them and brush off what happened to them as nothing because you don’t feel it was as bad as what happened to you?

You would think that they would find a commonality to bond them together rather than this person completely dismissing what had happened to my friend. I saw that as the height of selfish egoism. That person was just as cruel as the people who had hurt them and the people who had hurt my friend. My friend has risen above what was done to him and tries to find good in everyone. This person has not. They have allowed what happened to them to color their words and actions with cruelty wielded in the name of self-righteousness mounted on a flaming sword of vengeance. It was obvious to me that they felt they had the right to weigh something that cannot be weighed in order to pass judgment and find others wanting when ranged beside themselves.

I wonder that I have back teeth this morning. I ground them that much. You can’t weigh the damage done to a soul or to emotions. However, you can measure the breadth and depth of someone’s heart. My friend’s heart is as big as the sky. The person who sat in judgment on what had been done to him… well, my judgment, based on their words and actions, is that theirs is the size of a pebble, and just as stony.

I removed myself from their presence and I feel a lot better about it now. My friend will bounce back and forgive. The other person… they don’t appear to have learned that sort of graciousness and serenity yet. Despite my aching teeth, I do sincerely hope they do some day.

Now, we can all sit in judgment on a Marcus this morning. A Monday without Marcus is not a good day in my house, I can tell you.

markusschenkenberg1

The next time I go to a hotel, I’d like to look out at the pool and see that. *sigh* Ah, well. Not likely to happen I suppose.

Have a great Monday peeps!

wintersig

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedintumblrmail
Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to Weighing In

  1. Bunny says:

    I hate people who are judgmental of others

  2. Bunny says:

    I hate people who are judgmental of others

  3. Oh hon.
    You know my opinions on all this.
    Hang in there.
    .-= Jennifer McKenzie´s last blog ..Welcome =-.

  4. Oh hon.
    You know my opinions on all this.
    Hang in there.
    .-= Jennifer McKenzie´s last blog ..Welcome =-.

  5. Blake says:

    The world is a much kinder place with souls like yours in it… Keep the faith, I’ll do the same… Together we’ll find a place where the world isn’t so unkind.

    Blake

  6. Blake says:

    The world is a much kinder place with souls like yours in it… Keep the faith, I’ll do the same… Together we’ll find a place where the world isn’t so unkind.

    Blake

  7. marot says:

    Someone always wants to feel like they are more troubled than another. I know i got problems but there are always people out there with more problems. Everyone has something good bout them. Just have to look a little harder sometimes. Glad u let the bad mojo go.

  8. marot says:

    Someone always wants to feel like they are more troubled than another. I know i got problems but there are always people out there with more problems. Everyone has something good bout them. Just have to look a little harder sometimes. Glad u let the bad mojo go.

  9. Robin says:

    I did just that a month or so ago and it caused a horrible fight between my BFF, I appreciate when other friends say they can empathize or are in a similar situation but when SHE compares herself to me I get so angry. I don’t know why and it may ruin what we have. Sigh. I can admit though, I’ve done it.
    .-= Robin´s last blog ..In Your Head =-.

  10. Robin says:

    I did just that a month or so ago and it caused a horrible fight between my BFF, I appreciate when other friends say they can empathize or are in a similar situation but when SHE compares herself to me I get so angry. I don’t know why and it may ruin what we have. Sigh. I can admit though, I’ve done it.
    .-= Robin´s last blog ..In Your Head =-.

  11. Hilly says:

    Every time someone says “I know that what I am going through is nothing compared to what you are going through”, I cringe. I think that all of our pains are subjective and should not be compared to that of other people. We are individuals.

    Way more often than you’d think, someone tries to “put me in my place” my stating that I don’t have it so bad or that I have no right to complain because…get this…I don’t have kids. It’s almost as if these women are saying that I have no right to complain about the daily pains of my life because I didn’t give birth. To them I say to fuck off because MY highest level of pain and discomfort is MINE and should not be compared to theirs.

    Great post, btw.
    .-= Hilly´s last blog ..Snackie Sunday: Meow, Woof, Chirp, Hiss And Oink… =-.

  12. Hilly says:

    Every time someone says “I know that what I am going through is nothing compared to what you are going through”, I cringe. I think that all of our pains are subjective and should not be compared to that of other people. We are individuals.

    Way more often than you’d think, someone tries to “put me in my place” my stating that I don’t have it so bad or that I have no right to complain because…get this…I don’t have kids. It’s almost as if these women are saying that I have no right to complain about the daily pains of my life because I didn’t give birth. To them I say to fuck off because MY highest level of pain and discomfort is MINE and should not be compared to theirs.

    Great post, btw.
    .-= Hilly´s last blog ..Snackie Sunday: Meow, Woof, Chirp, Hiss And Oink… =-.

  13. Maurya says:

    I love that, Lex. That you can measure the breadth and width of a person’s heart. How lovely…and I hope your friend continues to have that big heart.

  14. Maurya says:

    I love that, Lex. That you can measure the breadth and width of a person’s heart. How lovely…and I hope your friend continues to have that big heart.