The Wrong Idea

I saw something today that irked me. Before I get into what it was, and why it irked me, let me preface this by saying that the person who posted the remark is not someone I dislike. Nor is my little tirade meant to bash anyone or denigrate or belittle them. What this is, pure and simple, is a commentary. MY commentary. MY opinion. MY rant, if you want to call it that.

What I saw was a remark on one of the loops about how someone perceived an Alpha male. The part that irked me was the part that said she thought of Alpha males as more well endowed in the penis department than other males. Motley and I looked at each other and said, “WTF?”

You see, I’m a pretty free thinker and I’ve brought Motley up to be the same. Neither of us believes in any of the standard crapola that is rolled out with regard to sex. When women start talking bigger is better… I always beg to differ. So, to us, the idea that an Alpha male must be bigger, thicker, better is wrong, wrong, wrong. And really, as a mother, I think it gives young women the wrong idea about what constitutes good sex. So many of Motley’s girlfriends (all in the 18-21 year old range) think that they will have better sex with a man who has a big dick. I’ve made a point of making sure Motley doesn’t believe this.

When we tell these girls that bigger is better, we’re setting them up for failure. Failure at their relationships with men. They’ll assume that the hot guy with the big dick will be the best lover of their life. They fall in love with love…and with the big dick. You think I’m wrong? I’m not. I’ve seen it happen to women all my life. Sure not every woman believes this. But enough of them do that when the new hubby doesn’t really deliver, they become disillusioned with the sex, and then with him.

I don’t like stereotypes. I think they are harmful to people. I may write that one of my characters has a huge dick or a thick dick, but you won’t ever see me say that it’s X number of inches. One woman’s idea of huge is different than another’s. I let them imagine what works for them. I don’t want to tell anyone what is the best size for them. Cause yanno, to me, it’s not about size anyway.

I could cite examples from my own life, but then this post would get XXX rated. My point is that while it’s nice to think of Alpha males as being something a bit more than the average guy, what’s really that wrong with the average guy? Can’t they be Alpha too? Why do Alphas have to be more handsome and more well endowed? Why does handsome and bigger have to be the synonym for better?

In my world, it’s not and never will be. To me, the Alpha is the male who is smarter. The one who will show his emotions, try to communicate, always strive to do the right thing, who will do anything to please and protect his mate and his family. He doesn’t have to be 6’5″ with long blonde hair to be Alpha. He only has to be unafraid to fight for his loved ones, and unafraid to show a tear when everyone dies in Titanic.

Have a great Tuesday!

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10 Responses to The Wrong Idea

  1. Lex says:

    Mary – That's exactly it. It takes a real man to do the right thing. So simple, yet so difficult.

    Nina – I get the fantasy thing. However, I prefer to just let the reader figure out their own fantasy rather than to just assume that she would think an Alpha has a big dick.

    Mojo – I'm not being a stranger, really. I've been in my feed reader… a little. I have a lot of posts to catch up on and I haven't been commenting even though I've been reading, but the weekend is coming, thank God. I'm curious about your Monochrome Monday now. 🙂

  2. Mojo says:

    Not exactly the topic I expected when I stopped by, but since you brought it up (no pun intended… okay, maybe a little) Alpha is definitely an attitude, not a dimension. To illustrate, my dog Tonka was the smallest of the males in his litter. He was smaller than one of the females even. But there was no doubt once they became mobile enough to tell who was who that he was in charge. And there's not a species where alpha roles are more clearly defined than canids.

    Turning to the human equivalent… well, sounds like I'd get on well with any one of you. And vice versa. And I think I'll leave it there.

    But what I actually stopped in for was to say "Hey, Lex… I just joined in on a new photo meme called "Monochrome Monday" and when I chose my first submission I was thinking of you. So stop by Monday and check it out… I think you'll like it.

    Don't be a stranger!

    <abbr><abbr>Mojos last blog post..Email Crisis Resolved (for now)</abbr></abbr>

  3. Nina Pierce says:

    Lex, I agree with your assessment. Alphas don't have to well endowed in real life. It's who they are that defines them.

    But the fact is, erotic writers write fantasy. And I think the fantasy is the well endowed alpha male. Seems to come with the hero package. Like you, I use nebulous terms like "thick" and "filled her completely". No dimensions. Because ideal penis size is different for every woman.

    Nice post.

  4. maryO says:

    Yeah I agree that bigger isnt better. My comment in the other place is totally on the fact that I would not have minded to see if he had the motion with that ocean.

    I totally agree with your Alpha Male defition. It takes a real man to do the right thing than the easy thing. It takes an even smarter man to do them both and come out on top.

    <abbr><abbr>maryOs last blog post..Energy anyone??</abbr></abbr>

  5. Lex says:

    Corinne – I like that analogy!

    Amber – I'm so glad not every woman in her 20's thinks the big dick is better. Thanks for coming by to comment!

  6. Amber says:

    I had to come check out this post after I read your update on twitter.

    And I'm so glad I did.

    I couldn't agree with you more.

    The absolutely most explosive sex I've ever had was with a man who was on the smaller side of average. All he has to do, is put his hands on my hips and draw me to him a little and I get shaky from the raw sexual chemistry between us.

    It's awesome! *Big Grin*

    And, for the record, I've had sex with men who were absolutely HUGE. In my experience, it's been those men that don't take the time to do anything *fun* — just the "wham, bam, thank you ma'am" kind of bullshit. Society, their friends, whatever has programmed them to think that it's enough that they have a big dick. Well, WRONG!

    Thanks for the post, hon!

    <abbr><abbr>Ambers last blog post..The Princess is 24 Now…</abbr></abbr>

  7. It's not the size of your pencil, but how you write your name. *BG*

    I couldn't agree more with you both. Alpha's are defined by actions and attitude. Not penis size.

    An Alpha hero is perfect for his heroine, in everyway, even if it takes them most of the book to figure it out.

  8. Lex says:

    You ladies are smart. I kinda knew you two would agree with me. LOL I've had the big ten inch. It was a big pain in the you know where. It was fun at the time but for several days afterward, sitting on a hard chair, facing the students in my math class was very difficult. Rott's an average guy in the size department, but he has all the earmarks of an Alpha. If someone threatened us… believe me, the Glock would come out faster than you could say "penis enhancement." LOL

  9. Having been with a man who was "well endowed" I have to say the sex WASN'T better. It wasn't all that great for me.

    Then, I met an average sized guy and that did it for me. Big time.

    I agree that "Alpha" refers to an attitude, not a penis size.

    Great post, Lex

  10. I'm with ya all the way, darling.

    <abbr><abbr>Susan Helene Gottfrieds last blog post..Byline: Chelle LaFleur — Behold Me</abbr></abbr>