No Roses

It seems like a day doesn’t go by that something doesn’t happen to make me fear my mortality. I’m sure one of the reasons I write about immortals is that I’m quite afraid of dying. Today, I got to work and discovered my co-worker’s husband had died in his sleep on Saturday. This is the second of my co-workers to lose a husband. It’s shocking. And heartbreaking.

With my mortality feeling very fresh and raw, I managed to get through the day. However, while others might feel that making sure someone has their “power of blog” is part of making arrangements, I know that’s not at all at the top of my list. I worry about Motley. I mean, the kid is already struggling. If something happens to me, she has no one. No parents. No grandparents. No family. I’m horribly afraid of what will happen to her if something happens to me.

I can’t even leave her much. 15K in an insurance policy from my work. That’s it. I own my car and some household appliances. Motley wouldn’t be able to stay in the condo we live in. She couldn’t pay for it, even if she had a roommate. This situation totally freaks me out.

I told her not to spend anything on me. If I’m still working for the cemetery, they will pay for everything except things like a burial permit, death certificates, and an alternative container to cremate me in. The only thing I wanted her to spend on was a nice urn that doubles as a jewelry box to keep me in. It should cost very little of the 15K to dispose of me. And I want it that way. She will need that money.

Fear drives a lot of the things I do. When I yell at her to clean up and stuff, I’m not just being pissy because there’s trash to go out and dust and dirt. As an asthmatic who can’t afford her meds because the co-pays are too much, my life often feels very fragile, especially when dirt and dust affect my breathing. All it would take is a virus or a bad asthma attack and Motley would be an orphan. And that totally scares me. Not for me so much, but for her.

Over the weekend, ShinyBitch went to CrueFest. She discovered Papa Roach. Rott and I have been fans for awhile, since the first CD. For my Tuesday Tune, I thought I’d play some Papa Roach. Since my theme today has been a sad one, I chose Roses On My Grave. I’m not going to be buried so there is no need for roses for me.

Papa Roach-Roses On My Grave

Go hug the people who matter to you today. You never know what you may wake up to. Or who may be gone when you open your eyes.

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0 Responses to No Roses

  1. Winter says:

    Tempest – She knows I love her. I just annoy her so much she forgets. 😉

    Marty – Rott and I saw them in 1999 or 2000 at the Key Club through KNAC.com. Rott said they would be big and he was right! I know you’ll have a great time when you see them.

    Winters last blog post..No Roses

  2. Winter says:

    Tempest – She knows I love her. I just annoy her so much she forgets. 😉

    Marty – Rott and I saw them in 1999 or 2000 at the Key Club through KNAC.com. Rott said they would be big and he was right! I know you’ll have a great time when you see them.

    Winters last blog post..No Roses

  3. martymankins says:

    I discovered Papa Raoch at Ozzfest 2001 at Glen Helen. They fucking rocked. Then I went out and picked up “Infest” and was hooked. Going to see them a week from today here in Utah. Should be a good show.

  4. martymankins says:

    I discovered Papa Raoch at Ozzfest 2001 at Glen Helen. They fucking rocked. Then I went out and picked up “Infest” and was hooked. Going to see them a week from today here in Utah. Should be a good show.

  5. Oh kids now that even when we bitch at them we do it with love. 🙂 Don’t stop loving your Motley. Heh!

  6. Oh kids now that even when we bitch at them we do it with love. 🙂 Don’t stop loving your Motley. Heh!

  7. Winter says:

    Motley – I love you too, baby.

    Mary – The kid has a good heart. But she’s a stinker like most teens, and lazy. I stress over her a lot because of where she is in life currently. There really is no one for her if I die.

    Winters last blog post..No Roses

  8. Winter says:

    Motley – I love you too, baby.

    Mary – The kid has a good heart. But she’s a stinker like most teens, and lazy. I stress over her a lot because of where she is in life currently. There really is no one for her if I die.

    Winters last blog post..No Roses

  9. MaryO says:

    See that right there makes it all worth it.
    I wonder how my kids would surive without me. Lord knows i love Derek but he is not good at multi asking at all.

  10. MaryO says:

    See that right there makes it all worth it.
    I wonder how my kids would surive without me. Lord knows i love Derek but he is not good at multi asking at all.

  11. Motley says:

    I love you, Mom.

    Motleys last blog post..DaveDiego

  12. Motley says:

    I love you, Mom.

    Motleys last blog post..DaveDiego