Too Much

There’s too much emotion out here in this corner of the Blogosphere. I’m swimming in the stuff. I have a couple of things to say and they are prolly not things that will gain me any fans. Yeah, I don’t like lying or cheating. Yes, there are people I like who have cheated and lied. Usually, they didn’t lie or cheat on me. Well, actually, no one’s ever cheated on me. Yes, if I don’t have first hand knowledge, proof positive of something, I don’t like to rush to judgment. If the reasons for why something happened are not readily available, I don’t like to assume. I probably should have been a lawyer. I often have a very logical mind. I also have been accused of being a cold blooded, cold hearted bitch.

What are you going to believe? What you see and hear of me on this blog and the other sites I go to on a daily basis? What my kid says about me on her blog? What my sister would tell you if you met her? (She’s the one who’s repeatedly tarred me with the cold bitch label.) What do you believe about me? What do you KNOW?

Are you disappointed in me now that you know my sister believes those things about me? If I make a mistake, if I’m confused and upset and I make poor choices in my life and blog about them here, will you tell the internet that you’re disappointed in me, that I’m a liar or not what I presented myself to you as? Does my whole blogging “reputation” come down your assumptions about who I am on the inside, as misguided as that may be?

I’m not taking a stance on either side of the fence in the drama that happened. It’s a horrible tragedy, and neither of the extremes in stance that I have heard appeal to me. My sense is that the truth lies somewhere in the middle and no one but the participants really knows the whole truth.

However, seeing and hearing all the opinions about this, does raise some questions with me. I find myself looking over my shoulder, wondering what fucked up thing about me will be the thing that turns first one person, and then many others who listen to that person and allow those opinions to color them, against me. Because truthfully, I’m not pristine. I would never claim to be nor present myself in that manner. I’m a hugely flawed person, from my emotions, to my motivations, to my heart, and my soul. Which one of those flaws will one day disappoint you?

Devil’s advocate is a role I can never seem to shake. I always have to ask those questions and look at the other side. I’m eternally optimistic and practical at the same time. I have a scientist’s love of facts and digging for them. I have the psychologist’s yearning to delve into the psyches of others and understand their motivations. I like people who are real. Or are at least as real as I can determine them to be based on the information I have to work with.

I was really gonna do a Thursday Thirteen about 12 giraffe photos in my My Pictures folder. I guess my thoughts just took over and wrote this though. I don’t want to be judged by all of you, yet I know that every word I type, whether it’s funny or reveals my heart, are words that you will all judge… even if you say you won’t. I’m a big enough girl to accept that people will judge me. I learned long ago that is just another part of human nature and to rail against it is to isolate myself from the world.

So, instead, here are my thoughts for you to see, to judge, to like, to dislike, to do with what you will. I’ll be back tomorrow, whether all of you stop by or not. I’ve been through too many brouhahas and other shit in this life to let people’s feelings about me stop me from doing something I like doing. After all, you’re entitled to your feelings and reactions… and so am I.

Maybe next week I’ll do the 12 giraffe photos. You might want to stop by and see them. One of them is giraffe sex. I’m not quite sure how I found that photo. It was completely by accident, I swear. And it’s funny. Well, really what’s funny is the way Shinygal laughs at it. Yeah. I think I will post the giraffe pics next Thursday. I hope you come by to see them.

BTW… here’s the pic of me at the company picnic that Motley took with her Nikon. No makeup. All grey haired, and age spotted, with crow’s feet and bags under the eyes. WYSIWYG. If you’re not afraid of all that reality click on the photo and look at the larger version. Maybe if you look real close… you’ll see into my soul.


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0 Responses to Too Much

  1. Winter says:

    Thanks, Jen. You rock too! Must get over to your blog and stroke your ego so you’ll keep coming here to stroke mine!

  2. Winter says:

    Thanks, Jen. You rock too! Must get over to your blog and stroke your ego so you’ll keep coming here to stroke mine!

  3. I thought I’d commented here. But I hadn’t.
    I don’t know the drama, but I understand how edrama can get under the skin.
    I love that pic. You look….just like I hoped you would. Just someone like me (only much more brilliant and playing with the undead. LOL).
    You rock, darlin’.

  4. I thought I’d commented here. But I hadn’t.
    I don’t know the drama, but I understand how edrama can get under the skin.
    I love that pic. You look….just like I hoped you would. Just someone like me (only much more brilliant and playing with the undead. LOL).
    You rock, darlin’.

  5. Winter says:

    Whall – That’s Jose. He has 3 teenage daughters. He’s probably telling some boy that he has a concealed weapons permit.

    Winters last blog post..Totally Random

  6. Winter says:

    Whall – That’s Jose. He has 3 teenage daughters. He’s probably telling some boy that he has a concealed weapons permit.

    Winters last blog post..Totally Random

  7. whall says:

    To me, your picture portrays a contentment in life achieved through feeling and understanding.

    But mostly, it’s hiding the guy on the phone behind you and I’m wondering – what’s he got that’s so important to talk about when YOU’RE right THERE?!?!

    whalls last blog post..Favorite Things: SwissTool

  8. whall says:

    To me, your picture portrays a contentment in life achieved through feeling and understanding.

    But mostly, it’s hiding the guy on the phone behind you and I’m wondering – what’s he got that’s so important to talk about when YOU’RE right THERE?!?!

    whalls last blog post..Favorite Things: SwissTool

  9. Winter says:

    Susan, Jason, and Marty – You’re all too good to me! I suck at taking a compliment so I’ll just say thank you lots!

    Winters last blog post..Too Much

  10. Winter says:

    Susan, Jason, and Marty – You’re all too good to me! I suck at taking a compliment so I’ll just say thank you lots!

    Winters last blog post..Too Much

  11. martymankins says:

    I’ve always been taught and told that honesty is not always pretty. And it’s one of those things that’s very hard to be in life. People I’ve met that say it’s so easy to be honest are simply not looking at the big picture in life.

    I respect anyone that can be honest in life because I know it sometimes comes with hard times and difficulty. So keep speaking up and speaking your mind, because IMO, that’s part of the process of being honest.. not only with others, but with yourself.

    As for the photo, you have a kind soul. I’m not a very religious person, but I can see a kind soul that’s trying to do her best in life.

    martymankinss last blog post..The Lazy MoFo Mosaic Meme

  12. martymankins says:

    I’ve always been taught and told that honesty is not always pretty. And it’s one of those things that’s very hard to be in life. People I’ve met that say it’s so easy to be honest are simply not looking at the big picture in life.

    I respect anyone that can be honest in life because I know it sometimes comes with hard times and difficulty. So keep speaking up and speaking your mind, because IMO, that’s part of the process of being honest.. not only with others, but with yourself.

    As for the photo, you have a kind soul. I’m not a very religious person, but I can see a kind soul that’s trying to do her best in life.

    martymankinss last blog post..The Lazy MoFo Mosaic Meme

  13. Jason X says:

    Huh?

    I guess I’m way out of the loop because I don’t know what any of this means. You’re too cool to worry about what anyone else thinks. Don’t hold back; the fuck is the thing.

    Jason Xs last blog post..Where’s Jason?

  14. Jason X says:

    Huh?

    I guess I’m way out of the loop because I don’t know what any of this means. You’re too cool to worry about what anyone else thinks. Don’t hold back; the fuck is the thing.

    Jason Xs last blog post..Where’s Jason?

  15. I have missed all this drama and I’m glad. I like you, chick. You’re brave and deep and talented as hell and cool and all sorts of other things I can’t put a finger on.

    And you look exactly right to me.

    Others can say what they want. I ain’t listening or caring.

    Susan Helene Gottfrieds last blog post..Thursday Thirteen — The Music Store

  16. I have missed all this drama and I’m glad. I like you, chick. You’re brave and deep and talented as hell and cool and all sorts of other things I can’t put a finger on.

    And you look exactly right to me.

    Others can say what they want. I ain’t listening or caring.

    Susan Helene Gottfrieds last blog post..Thursday Thirteen — The Music Store

  17. Winter says:

    Jen – I don’t think I need to pray. You’ll handle the rabid fangurls with aplomb as usual.

    Mary – I think your remark about having the fat sucked out of your ass has elicited the biggest laugh I’ve had all week! MUAH!

    Vix – I always appreciate you taking the time to come by. I know you’ve got a busy life so when I see you pop up here, I’m always grateful for your time and your words.

    Motley – Your heart is in the right place, kid. I take a lot of credit for that. And I also give it fairly to Ross, who I feel had an equal hand in your ethics, if not more of a hand. However, the trash still needs to go out. I don’t stop loving you because it hasn’t, but I stop doing things for you cause obviously, I need to exact some pressure somewhere. Love you baby.

    Winters last blog post..Too Much

  18. Winter says:

    Jen – I don’t think I need to pray. You’ll handle the rabid fangurls with aplomb as usual.

    Mary – I think your remark about having the fat sucked out of your ass has elicited the biggest laugh I’ve had all week! MUAH!

    Vix – I always appreciate you taking the time to come by. I know you’ve got a busy life so when I see you pop up here, I’m always grateful for your time and your words.

    Motley – Your heart is in the right place, kid. I take a lot of credit for that. And I also give it fairly to Ross, who I feel had an equal hand in your ethics, if not more of a hand. However, the trash still needs to go out. I don’t stop loving you because it hasn’t, but I stop doing things for you cause obviously, I need to exact some pressure somewhere. Love you baby.

    Winters last blog post..Too Much

  19. Motley says:

    MMMMMMMAMA! I think you look very good for your age, even though I can never remember it. I think your age in my mind is permanently stuck at like, 45.

    And you are a total bitch, mama. But you’re a damn cool bitch and I love you. =]

    Motleys last blog post..HNT – At the Mall!

  20. Motley says:

    MMMMMMMAMA! I think you look very good for your age, even though I can never remember it. I think your age in my mind is permanently stuck at like, 45.

    And you are a total bitch, mama. But you’re a damn cool bitch and I love you. =]

    Motleys last blog post..HNT – At the Mall!

  21. Vixen says:

    I have no idea what happened to prompt this (I am very out of touch), but I want to say I like you for what you share here and that is why I keep coming back. I don’t talk about other bloggers with other bloggers, so I would never hear anything any ways.

    Most importantly, I like your picture. Thanks for sharing a bit of your soul (and gray~I am dying my away this weekend).

    Vixens last blog post..Hanging Out In The Amniotic Pool

  22. Vixen says:

    I have no idea what happened to prompt this (I am very out of touch), but I want to say I like you for what you share here and that is why I keep coming back. I don’t talk about other bloggers with other bloggers, so I would never hear anything any ways.

    Most importantly, I like your picture. Thanks for sharing a bit of your soul (and gray~I am dying my away this weekend).

    Vixens last blog post..Hanging Out In The Amniotic Pool

  23. MaryO says:

    Jen I cna hear the banging all the way down here. Or is that all the rain ya’ll have been getting??

    Winter… I feel a step behind for this post. But consdiering I luv ya’s to death..*snickers* get it… The people that luv you the most know who you are and appericate your sense of humor *yes you have one*, honesty and good heart. The others that dont… they can go suck a giraffee toe.

    By the way, I look like a racoon right now with the dark ass circles under my eyes. My kids even agreed when I asked them. Gee there goes my self-esteem. Thankfully I wear them right out there like a badge of honor. Plus, my daughter got into all my makeup and I have none. To cheap to go buy more too. One day soon I will. RIght after I get the fat sucked out of my ass.

    And I enjoy not having sanity. I need a defense when I kill someone that pissed me off. Judge I have 3 kids, do you honeslty think i have any sanity at all??

  24. MaryO says:

    Jen I cna hear the banging all the way down here. Or is that all the rain ya’ll have been getting??

    Winter… I feel a step behind for this post. But consdiering I luv ya’s to death..*snickers* get it… The people that luv you the most know who you are and appericate your sense of humor *yes you have one*, honesty and good heart. The others that dont… they can go suck a giraffee toe.

    By the way, I look like a racoon right now with the dark ass circles under my eyes. My kids even agreed when I asked them. Gee there goes my self-esteem. Thankfully I wear them right out there like a badge of honor. Plus, my daughter got into all my makeup and I have none. To cheap to go buy more too. One day soon I will. RIght after I get the fat sucked out of my ass.

    And I enjoy not having sanity. I need a defense when I kill someone that pissed me off. Judge I have 3 kids, do you honeslty think i have any sanity at all??

  25. Jen-Opalgirl says:

    Speaking of Modding…I have to Mod a chat tonight…Pray for me! *bangs head against desk*

  26. Jen-Opalgirl says:

    Speaking of Modding…I have to Mod a chat tonight…Pray for me! *bangs head against desk*

  27. Winter says:

    Hilly – It’s all a lot to digest. My sense is that the truth behind all of this lies only with the 3 involved. Sure, they brought it to the net so they should expect that we’re all gonna talk. That doesn’t mean that our words aren’t making them all feel worse. I’d just rather not make a horrid sitch worse is all. So, other than what I said at Jester’s show and here today, I’m gonna keep my feelings about it to myself.

    Jen – When you’re done being the Queen of all Mods for JR Ward. 😉

    Dave – We should. And we should blog about it all tongue in cheek. And we need more monkeys. More Bad Monkey. Because clearly, Bad Monkey knows more about Life than most. After all, he knew enough not to be in the cartoon about rain of shit, right?

    Thanks for coming by – all of you. Days like today when I ramble a lot of crap, and you stop to read and let me know you read, even if you disagree with my witch doctor outlook… I truly appreciate you all. To me, you’re all stellar!

    Winters last blog post..Too Much

  28. Winter says:

    Hilly – It’s all a lot to digest. My sense is that the truth behind all of this lies only with the 3 involved. Sure, they brought it to the net so they should expect that we’re all gonna talk. That doesn’t mean that our words aren’t making them all feel worse. I’d just rather not make a horrid sitch worse is all. So, other than what I said at Jester’s show and here today, I’m gonna keep my feelings about it to myself.

    Jen – When you’re done being the Queen of all Mods for JR Ward. 😉

    Dave – We should. And we should blog about it all tongue in cheek. And we need more monkeys. More Bad Monkey. Because clearly, Bad Monkey knows more about Life than most. After all, he knew enough not to be in the cartoon about rain of shit, right?

    Thanks for coming by – all of you. Days like today when I ramble a lot of crap, and you stop to read and let me know you read, even if you disagree with my witch doctor outlook… I truly appreciate you all. To me, you’re all stellar!

    Winters last blog post..Too Much

  29. Dave2 says:

    I believe everything I read. If it’s on the internet, it must be true, right??

    Dave2s last blog post..Transparency

  30. Dave2 says:

    I believe everything I read. If it’s on the internet, it must be true, right??

    Dave2s last blog post..Transparency

  31. Jen-Opalgirl says:

    Hey beautiful…Clearly we need to catch up! Hit me up when you get a chance!

  32. Jen-Opalgirl says:

    Hey beautiful…Clearly we need to catch up! Hit me up when you get a chance!

  33. Hilly says:

    I’ll just say that I’ve actually been on the other side of the fence…you know, as the one being ripped apart for a choice she made that was really nobody’s business. So I totally get what you are saying, even if I don’t agree 100%.

    I’m no saint, nor do I pretend to be. I talked about this a LOT yesterday and still hold a strong opinion about one of the people involved. That being said, I woke up today not wanting to talk about this anymore. I feel a little bit like Chris Cocker ;).

    And nice picture. I admire anyone who can show their REAL self!

    Hillys last blog post..A Citizen Of The Planet….

  34. Hilly says:

    I’ll just say that I’ve actually been on the other side of the fence…you know, as the one being ripped apart for a choice she made that was really nobody’s business. So I totally get what you are saying, even if I don’t agree 100%.

    I’m no saint, nor do I pretend to be. I talked about this a LOT yesterday and still hold a strong opinion about one of the people involved. That being said, I woke up today not wanting to talk about this anymore. I feel a little bit like Chris Cocker ;).

    And nice picture. I admire anyone who can show their REAL self!

    Hillys last blog post..A Citizen Of The Planet….

  35. Winter says:

    Jester – Um… okay. But did you like my picture? 😉

  36. Winter says:

    Jester – Um… okay. But did you like my picture? 😉

  37. jester says:

    I think you’re missing one vitally important point: You are a personal blogger. You write about things that are going on in your life. You appear on radio shows and talk about your job, your daughter, your everyday life.

    Maybe you wear a persona, but you give enough information for people to make a judgment on your sincerity.

    If you only posted fiction or photos instead of stories from your life, and then suddenly told a very personal story on the blog that paints you in a negative light, you should expect a negative reaction.

    Instead, you share the bad and the good, and people can make an informed decision from there.

    Just my .02 fwiw.

    jesters last blog post..The Jester Show Tonight

  38. jester says:

    I think you’re missing one vitally important point: You are a personal blogger. You write about things that are going on in your life. You appear on radio shows and talk about your job, your daughter, your everyday life.

    Maybe you wear a persona, but you give enough information for people to make a judgment on your sincerity.

    If you only posted fiction or photos instead of stories from your life, and then suddenly told a very personal story on the blog that paints you in a negative light, you should expect a negative reaction.

    Instead, you share the bad and the good, and people can make an informed decision from there.

    Just my .02 fwiw.

    jesters last blog post..The Jester Show Tonight