My brain has been furiously running through songs since I offered up my fractured vocal cords on the altar of Fab’s next Duet show. This is an especially tough thing for me because once upon a time, I had a very beautiful singing voice. Ask David from BellaDaddyBlog. He’ll tell you I could wring tears from your eyes. And not because I sang like fingernails on a chalkboard either. Pffft.
When I turned 30, I was diagnosed with asthma. Don’t laugh. Some people don’t get it as a kid. There have been several females in my family who got asthma after the age of 30. I thought it wasn’t a big deal. Then I got a very nasty case of pneumonia. And another. And another. In the space of 5 years, I’d had it 6 or 7 times. Now, years later, I have the horrid asthmatic wheeze and cough. Meds keep me breathing and attack free, but there has been a price to pay to continue breathing… my vocal cords and breath control. Both are now nicely shot. It’s the toughest pill I’ve had to swallow of all the meds I’ve had over the past 17 years since I was diagnosed.
For me to offer to sing is like asking a painter who is now blind to create a watercolor. Tough stuff. I can half assed carry a tune, but it’s a pathetic shadow of my former glorious voice. I goof mostly now, because to do anything serious puts me in tears. Only David knows how truly hard this is for me. But David being the kind of man he is, he would tell me to do it anyway, and fuck it if I don’t sound like an angel any more. He would tell me to just have fun. (You’re gonna send me an email now, aren’t you, David? Telling me everything I just attributed to you, right? Don’t make me out a liar, dude.)
So anyway, here are the songs I’ve decided I might be able to pull off with Fab. I have something else up my sleeve too, but it’s super secret and seriously amusing. My sense is that if it tickles Fab’s funny bone the way it tickles mine… I might just have to do it. However, it means lots and lots and lots of practice for my asthmatic self. I wonder if I can manage a take without a wheeze or a cough? Maybe I should leave them in. After all, if I can’t be the Diva anymore I might as well be Red Skelton, right? Enjoy the tunes!