I don’t feel good today. Not mentally. Not physically. So I have guest bloggers for you. Sorta. Please be kind and gentle to them. They have been through a lot in their lives, but they are both good people who now have happiness in their lives. You’ll like them a lot. The men will like how hot they are. The women will like their fun, but caring personalities. Today, I give you Alexandria Valentine Morosci McBain Kohl, Duchess of Saxe-Altenburg aka Lex, Lexie, Angel, or the Megabitch AND her partner in crime, best friend, and boss, Carlisle Ross aka Lady Rosslyn deVere, Duchess of Carlisle. (BTW… Lex really doesn’t like it if you mention her Playboy spread and Car really does love Chivas.)
“She needs coffee, Rosslyn. She can’t stand at the counter long enough to make it. She’s been coffee-less all week. I feel sorry for her,” Lex said, crossing her arms over her ample breasts, those same breasts that had been displayed so lusciously in Playboy.
Carlisle sighed. “Yeah, I feel sorry for her too, but I can’t make coffee, Lex. I just can’t. For one, it goes against my reputation as a dark hearted rock star and duchess. For another, if I make it, it will taste like bad tuna. Trust me on this.”
“Her back hurts. There must be something nice we can do for her to make her feel better,” Lex said in a frustrated voice.
Carlisle began to laugh. “Give her your husband for a night or two.”
Lex stuck her tongue out at her best friend and boss. “Fuck you. Give her your man!”
“Stein doesn’t do it for her like Al does. We all know how much she loves Al. Every word she writes about the man proclaims how he curls her toes,” Carlisle replied with a wicked gleam in her midnight blue eyes.
“Well, shit. There must be something we can do to make her feel better, other than me giving up Alaric for a few nights. Not that he’d go. These days, he can’t sleep unless his hands are on my belly,” Lex snorted, rolling her eyes a little. “The man is obsessed with his son.”
“She understands you know. Better than most.” Carlisle speared Lex with those keen dark blue eyes. “She wouldn’t take him anyway. She loves you too much.”
Lex’s face softened. “I know. I love her too. So do you. Which is why we need to figure out how we can make her feel better when she’s been coffee-less and in pain for a week.”
Carlisle sighed. “Maybe Spyder will do it. He’ll patch things up with Bianca and make her cry with the HEA. Or Rune! Maybe Rune can do it. After all, he figured out who his Cherished One is and cut off his hair. He’s turned over a new leaf.”
Lex shook her head. “This is something you and I need to do. She loves us more than them.”
Silence reigned for a few minutes. Finally, Lex snapped her fingers. “I’ll call Ronnie. He’ll know what to do for her. He always knows that shit.”
Carlisle cocked up an eyebrow in amusement. “Better hurry. The managers will be out of their meeting soon. She has to get back to payroll.”
“Gimme my Blackberry! I’ll call right now!” Lex reached across the counter, grabbed her cell phone, and began to dial.
“You know, Lex… maybe all we need to do is tell her we love her,” Carlisle said thoughtfully.
Lex put down her cell phone. “You’re right you know.” She turned to face the computer monitor. “We love you, Mom. If we could, we’d make you coffee and have Alaric rub your back. Rosslyn and I appreciate everything you’ve done for us. You’ve written us happy. We appreciate that.”
“You bet your fucking Dooneys we do,” Carlisle chimed in. “Feel better soon, Mom! We have some ass kicking to do and no one can write us but you.”
“And all you bloggers out there?” Lex added, her dark eyes glowing with emotion. “She shares us with you because she loves you too, and she thinks you’ll like us. Hey, if you do, that’s great, but even if you don’t, the fact that she shares us makes us love her more.”
“Shhh!” Carlisle warned, elbowing Lex. “You’ll make them think she’s nuts, talking to herself and shit.”
Lex frowned, perplexed. “But they all talk to themselves. It’s what bloggers do.”
Carlisle made a face. “And now we’re her guest bloggers? Do NOT let the press get hold of this, Lex. I have a reputation remember?”
Lex snorted. “A reputation for boy toys.”
“Not anymore. She wrote me happy. Brought Stein back into my life.” Carlisle’s face took on a proud expression. “SHE makes me happy.”
Lex’s lips curled up in a warm smile. “Me too. Maybe she’ll feel better this weekend. If she does, she’ll visit all their blogs.”
“And write us some more,” Carlisle nodded. “I’m down with that.”
“Good. Let’s just hope everything works out and she’s better by tomorrow. Then we can have a big weekend,” Lex sighed happily.
“You can have a BIG weekend… with BIG AL,” Carlisle joked. “C’mon, tell me how big his dick is. The man’s 6’6″… it has to be big.”
Lex shook her head. “Like I told you before, I refuse to talk about Alaric’s penis. Besides, the bloggers are listening.”
“They’re horn dogs. They wanna know,” Carlisle replied, her eyes amused.
“Not telling. Now, say g’bye, Rosslyn. It’s time for us to go.” Lex cocked an eyebrow at her friend.
Carlisle sighed in resignation. “Bye bloggers! Read the Bar Story and maybe I’ll worm out of the old Megabitch here how big her husband’s penis is.”
“Car!” Lex gasped. “That’s no way to sign off of Mom’s blog!”
Carlisle snickered, her expression wicked. “Sure it is. People will come back for more if you talk penis.”
“You have the craziest ideas sometimes,” Lex complained in exasperation.
Carlisle wiggled her eyebrows. “I’m crazy like a fox. Mom knows. She created me.”
Lex waves at the computer monitor. “Just ignore her, she’s being difficult. It’s what rock stars do, ya know. Thanks for reading us and we hope to see you again some time!”